Miserable Retail Slave

Every Day is Another Day Closer to the Weekend

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Whats New?!?!?: See Below:
 

One of These Things Is Not Like The Other...(click the pic)

Your Beard is Weird

Summer's ending, which means beard season is fast approaching. Xena breaks down the allure of facial hair and all the different ways that guys can style their face.

Eminem and Jay-Z at Comerica Park 9/3/10

Kattie was there at the huge Eminem/ Jay-Z concert Friday at Comerica Park.  Find out what she thought of it.

 

Robocop "wrestles"

A new feature, in which two things that should never go together in pop culture are joined together anyway. This time up: Robocop in WCW wrestling, teaming up with Sting against The Four Horsemen.

 

 

Tweeting is for Twits

P. Walnuts talks about twitter. And wants you to follow him. But only after you read what he has to say.

The All Female Expendables

The Expendables is a force of pure testosterone.  But what about giving estrogen its due. The double x chromosomes need to be represented. Let's give the badass women action stars their due with an all female Expendables squad.

Stop Checking Facebook and Read About The Facebook Movie

There's a Facebook movie called "The Social Network" coming out that Hollywood is betting you'll want to see a David Lynch joint about Facebook because America is obsessed with social networking. What RFP really wanted to focus on was the music to the trailer for the Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Timberlake starring flick. But it took a long time to get there. 

 

 

"Whoopsie! I've Lost My Blog Virginity"

Tic Tac has lost her virginity. For, like, the 20th time. Seriously, that's what she tells every guy (and girl) she's been with. Come take part in what has to be one of Tic Tac's last first times (she's pretty much done EVERYTHING you can imagine) as she writes her first blog about her idol, Chelsea Handler. 

 

Sex Toys!

Bets Wad just wants to be left alone whilst pursuing adult novelty items. Read the hows and whys and see if you can feel her brother, Beerwad, cringe all the way through cyberspace.

A Story of One Man's Kryptonite.

Trigger is a man. Best belie'e dat. But every man has his fears. Spider-Man, Charlotte and her web, MMA fighter Anderson Silva, etc. These are the things that make Trigger run away like Little Miss Muffit. Read Trigger's brave story, in which he confesses to being a pansy.

 

 

Losties Unite!

Lost News. Nuff Said.

 

 

 

Let Me Explain the, ahem, Situation.

RFP knows that the world is unfair. Otherwise, he would have a toy in his likeness like the one below. He would also be making seven figures. Read all about The Situation (of Jersey Shore) fame and the unbelievable boost his bank account will be getting this year. Then, lament all the times you skipped going to the gym.

 

Football.

 3 guesses as to what Beerwad talks about in this post. Here's a clue: it's not baseball.

 

 

This is a Wit Free Zone.

Beerwad's sibling, Bets Wad, has also lost the creative spark that drives writer types. How can she get it back?

Why I'm Excited About the New Resident Evil 3D Movie by P. Walnuts

Milla Jovovich stars in Resident Evil: Afterlife and Paulie Walnuts tells you why he's excited to see this latest installment of the video game-based movie series.

 

 

Cuponk: Grooming Future Alcoholics

Xena's seen the Bam Margera directed commercials for Cuponk and thinks it's a bit like beer pong. Then again, everything reminds her of alcohol. The lush. 

 

 

Trying to Jump Start the Creative Process

Ro-Ads has writer's block, but that's not going to stop her from entertaining the masses.

4

In which RFP starts talking about Brett Favre, realizes people are sick of reading about Brett Favre, then proceeds to talk about other things. It's a big clusterf@#$.

See that picture? Even Brett Favre's sick of himself.

  

Rock Band 3: I Don't Have Many (Interested) Friends.

Abe's talking about Rock Band 3 and the rise and fall of a living room rock star.

 

 

Paulie Walnuts Presents The Excrement List: Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin Phoenix may or may not have flipped his lid and cameras were there to record it all. Starring in a couple of M. Night Shyamalan films would be enough to frustrate anyone to the point of insanity. I mean, look at what happened to Mel Gibson.

Paulie Walnuts talks about the upcoming is it/isn't it a real documentary here. 

 

Paulie Walnuts says, "What the...?!?"

P. Walnuts has a lot of time to kill. He compensates for his lack of a social life by watching untold hours of youtube videos. This is one of them that he watched and lol'ed at. Antoine Dodson's vigilante justice.

 

 

The TV/Movie All Star Team

RFP compiles an All Star Team culled from the best baseball players from television and film. Who made the list? Click and find out.

 

Walnuts Lets His Inner Nerd Run Wild

In time for the All Star festivities in Major League Baseball, Walnuts uncovers the career stats of Billy Chapel, the main character from the Kevin Costner film, For the Love of the Game

Who Has Your Back During A Predator Attack? Click the pic and find out.

The Return of The Essential Songs of the 90's

Check out a menage a trois of sonic sex in the form of "Round Here" and "Mr. Jones" by Counting Crows and "Only Wanna Be With You" by Hootie & The Blowfish and discover the threads that connect them all.

 

 

Captain America Needs To Punch People.

Who Does Captain America need to punch in the face on this 4th of July? You decide...

 

MRS flashback: Taking A Bite Out of Tyranny

Celebrate 4th of July by reading this article from last year in which Beerwad takes a look at true American patriots.

OK Go vs. Animal from the Muppets in a Staring Contest

This is just hilarious. If you haven't seen it yet, you need to watch it.

 

Everyone Cares About Lebron James...

...even YOU!!! Where he plays basketball next year will impact whether you live or die. WE don't don't know where he'll play next year causing every other NBA city in America to spontaneously combust...but we do know who would win a game of one - on - one between Lebron and Godzilla.

 

 

What Vampire slayers would you choose...

...to destroy all these ridiculous vampires that have been flooding pop culture lately? Don't worry, RFP has it all figured out for you.

The Top Ten Movie Villains

Beerwad's Picks for the Top Ten Villains of all Time are here. Click here to see what he came up with and help decide which of two villains should be #1

 

 

The Greatest Movie Villains of All Time #30-11

The next part of our list of the biggest, baddest villains in cinematic history is here. Can you guess who's in the top ten?

 

 

The Greatest Movie Villains of All Time: 50-31

Beerwad begins counting down the 50 greatest, B.A. movie villiains of all time. Check out numbers 50-31.

 

 

Miserable Retail Slave's new spin-off. A Blog for the Geekiest of them all.

Sometimes the sheer geekiness of RFP cannot be confined to the spaces of this Miserable Retail Slave. Check out this here . Finally you will have the answers to all your nagging questions. First up, which Karate Kid would win in a fight?

For more stuff from the original Karate Kid, check out RFP's list of the best quotes from the 1984 classic here. 

iPods of the Damned, Vol 2

We review songs from Five Finger Death Punch and Nickelback. It doesn't go well.

 

Xena's Favorite Actors - Johnny Depp

The movies of some cat you might have heard of - Johnny Depp

 

 

The A-Team is Going To Suck...And Here's The Proof

RFP talks about nostalgia (again) and how Hollywood tries to sell us nostalgia in a different way than what we want. If that makes sense. Just read it. 

iPods of the Damned: Korn, Carolina Chocolate Drops, Lil' Wayne

A new feature that examines the newest songs blessing  - or in some cases - cluttering up our iPods.

 

 

 

 

A Look At EW's 100 Greatest Characters of the Last 20 Years

RFP examines Entertainment Weekly's list of the 100 Greatest Characters of the Last 20 Years and uses such hard hitting analysis as "really?" and "I think he should be higher on the list." Check it out.

You've Got to Be Kidding!

Paulie Walnuts weighs in on how to fix the worst blown call in sports history

 

My '90s Nostalgia List

The latest celebrity death has left RFP nostalgic for the glory days of young adulthood and the pop-cultural memories that time stirs up. Here, he presents a list of that which he misses most about the '90s.

 

Rest in Peace, Gary Coleman

Paulie Walnuts presents a brief tribute to Gary Coleman

 

Paulie Walnuts' Excrement List

This kid’s parents take the top spot. What the fuck is wrong with you? Look at that kid doing tricks with his cigarette like a 55 year old. My guess is he’ll be dead by 18. Nice job guys.

 

Who's That Skeleton? Click the pic and find out.

The Last Episode Of The Simon Cowell Show.

American Idol just ended. Lee won, Simon Left, and Joe Cocker looks like Popeye. How did that happen? Find out what other questions the season finale left unanswered.

 

Xena's Favorite Actors: Kevin Spacey

Xena's likes movies. She likes  certain actors in certain movies. This fella is one of them.

 

 

 

Check out Xena's past favorites by clicking the links below:

 

 

Natalie Portman

Edward Norton 

Steve Buscemi 

 

 

 

Lost Audition Tapes

Before you can watch the end, sometimes you have to go back to the beginning. Check out the Lost audition tapes.

Enroll in Lost University

How much of a nerd are you? No. I mean, really? If you want a higher education, courtesy of Lost, you should consider enrolling in Lost U. Paulie Walnuts has all the details. Love the logo too. 

My Ridiculous and Completely Wrong Theory On Lost

Everyone that has ever watched the show has, at one time or another, concocted a theory about "what it all means." RFP was no different. Although his theory was a bit more...ridiculous than usual.

An Essay on Lost by Paulie Walnuts

Paulie Walnuts wrote an essay on Lost and he wants you to read it. So you should.

 

Xena's Favorite Actors - Natalie Portman

Xena puts the spotlight on Natalie Portman. What five films represent the best of Portman? Click here and find out. 

Mike Knowles - High School Track Coach, Grade - A Douche (Beerwad)

Beerwad weighs in on the controversy surrounding the high school track coach who cost a girl the chance at a school's first league championship. 

You Have Dead Ears, Mate (RFP)

You don't have a clue about how the world works because you're not an actor like Russell Crowe. Listen to Russell Crowe throw a tantrum after an interviewer dared to ask him a question.

Lost. Son of a Bitch

In case you've been living under a rock, the Lost series finale is May 23. Some of us, along with some of you, love that show. So, starting today, we're going to pay tribute to Lost all the way up to the series finale. First, a small tribute to Sawyer.

Lady Gaga is Not As Talented as an 11-Year Old

She's one of the biggest stars in the world right now, but can someone perform one of Lady Gaga's songs better than she can? P. Walnuts thinks so and he's got the proof. 

Xena's Favorite Actors: Edward Norton

Xena's favorite actors series continues with the films of Edward Norton

Courtney Love Still Can't Shut Her Hole by RFP

Shocker! Courtney Love runs her mouth. Surprising, we know. This time, she gives Fred Durst and Limp Bizkit the business.

Dallas Braden's Perfect Response To That AHole

 Oakland A's pitcher, Dallas Braden, threw a perfect game on Sunday, which is the best way to silence ARod. How So? Click here and read on.

Xena's Favorite Actors: Steve Buscemi

 

 Xena talks about her favorite actors and the movies in which they appear in a recurring feature that we cleverly call "Xena's Favorite Actors"

  

The Worst Covers of the '00s: #6 'Under The Bridge' by All Saints

Our countdown of the worst covers of the '00s continues as those girls on the right cover the Red Hot Chili Peppers' classic "Under the Bridge"

 

 

You can check out the other Worst Covers of the '00s right here. 

 

Miserable Retail Slave's Summer Movie Preview

 It's May, which means Summer movie season is upon us. 

Abe, Xena, and RFP list the movies that they are most excited about during the summer blockbuster months.

We want to hear from you as well. What are you stoked about seeing this summer? 

 


Read Older content below...


 Music

 Good Songs, Questionable Lyrics: "Hey, Soul SIster" by Train

The Next Susan Boyle 

 Stop Nickelback...just stop...

 

Someone Calls 50 Cent gay...

 Velcociraptors and Michael Buble

 

Cryin' Like A Bitch: Godsmack's New Song

 Phil Collins, Hip-Hop Legend? 

 The Ridiculous Things That Celebrities Say vol. 1

 Music review: This Addiction by Alkaline Trio (Abe)

A Short Rant About Lady Gaga 

 What's A Jedward? (RFP) 

 

 The 100 Most Overplayed Songs of the Decade  (RFP)

Music Review: Eminem's Relapse-The Refill (RFP) 

  TV

Television You Should Watch: The Marriage Ref (Beerwad) 

I Hate the Bitch (P. Walnuts) 

 

  The 30 Greatest Sitcoms of All-Time 30-21

 20-11

10-1 (Beerwad) 

 Video Games

Retro Video Game Commercials 

 

The Sex Lives of Pixels 

A 'Mean Girls' Video Game? 

 Sports

Twice in One Week With The Golf? 

Of Michigan Sports and Hooters

Tiger Woods' Dad Does Not Approve

 The Air Guitar World Championships 

 The World Series of Beer Pong

 The World of Competitive Texting 

Tommy GoodTimes and his Twisted Past With Jeff Gordon 

RFP sends a shout out to Tigers 2nd baseman, Placido Polanco. Read it here. 

Food Stuff

An Ode to the Fallen Rodeo Burger (P. Walnuts) 

Xena's 110th Taco Daydream

 

 

 Movies

I Agree With A Nightmare on Elm Street 6: Freddy really is Dead. 

 

 Hollywood Destroys Bugs Bunny

Foot Face In The City 2

 

A Review of Kick-Ass

 

 Beerwad Uncovers Celeb's Secret Love Children!

What's A Kick-Ass? 

 Xena Watches Movies: The Crazies 

 Xena Watches Movies: Alice in Wonderland

 Xena's Top 6 Zombie Movies 

V-Day Blues: The Notebook

V-Day Blues: Say Anything

 V-Day Blues: Titanic 

Xena's All-Time Favorite Movies 

Xena Watches Movies: Legion 

 Xena Watches Movies: The Book of Eli

  Xena's Year-End Movie List 

 Xena Watches Movies: Sherlock Holmes 

Xena Watches Movies: Avatar 

 Opinions, Rants, Views on Life

 Thanks Mom by Beerwad

P. Walnuts Excrement List 

 

Another Day Another Dildo: Featured Product (Ro-Ads)

Lookin' Like A Fool (Beerwad) 

 Fire Safety Cigarettes Hamper Fun (Abe)

Another Day, Another Dildo (Ro-Ads) 

 A Slice of Life: The kgb (Beerwad)

The Last Goodbye (RFP) 

Valentine's Day Looms... (P. Walnuts)

To Russia With Malice (Beerwad) 

 Paulie Walnuts Talks Politics

 Ro-Ads Was Always Warned...

Ro-Ads' Before 30 List 

RFP is not A man. Here. 

A Vague Account here. 

 Xena's effed up Bday here. 

 Xena is a Grinch. She says "eff off" to Christmas here. 

 Anyone see that new show, "The Sing Off"? RFP has here. 

Paulie Walnuts recommends The People Speaks here. 

Ro-Ads goes out in the field. An intense report from the inside of a gas station bathroom. Read here. 

RFP discusses his painful childhood memories associated with A Christmas Story. Read all about it here 

 New contributor Ro-Ads thinks her and others of her ilk should be in the kitchen baking us men a pie. I agree. Read all about it right here. 

 Xena talks about the moment she realized that she was a grown-up. RIght here.