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Your Beard is Weird

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on September 4, 2010 at 5:42 PM
by Xena

Viva La Lampiño!!!

Beginning October 1st and continuing until April 1, my husband (Trigger) and Beerwad have a quasi-tradition to celebrate their manliness, known as “Beard Season”. I believe that last year was the first “Official” Beard season that my husband took part in, though I believe Beerwad has been at it for years. 

I much prefer the “Anti-Beard” season, as I am the type of woman that enjoys my man to be clean shaven and baby faced. I really don't enjoy loads hair, be it on the head, face or back. And I have come to find out that I am in the minority. I have never taken part of a formal study, and surprisingly the internet is truly void of accurate results, but the majority of women that I have talked to prefer a man with a bit of beard. 

So, I've decided to delve deeper into the world of facial hair and find what makes women so intrigued by it. I mean- maybe I am missing something here. Maybe I just haven't seen the right combo of man and beard that makes the clouds part, the sun shine and the little birdies chirp.

Step one: Identify the different categories and sub-categories of facial hair. Step Two: Find a perfect example of said facial hair. Step Three: Wait for the sparks to ignite in my female regions. 

I. The Full Beard

A. Unkempt: 




B. Neatly Trimmed 



C. Manicured Scruff





II.The Goatee

A. Standard Goatee




B. The Musketeer 




C. The Pharoah




III. Chin-Only Hair

A. The Soul Patch




B. Chin Strap




C. The Caterpillar




IV. The Moustache

A. The Magnum PI




B. Pencil Thin




C. The Fumanchu



D. The Handlebar




E. Third Reich




So, after doing extensive beard research, nothing. No sparks flying, no moist panties. Mostly I just got a really good laugh and a way to kill a few hours on a boring afternoon. 

Maybe I should be embarrassed by it, try to hide my true nature, but I really don't care. I love a clean shaven, baby faced man. Sue me. Viva La Lampiño!!!

-Xena

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4 Comments

Reply Amanda
5:33 PM on September 6, 2010 
Facial hair is required for some men. Although, I agree with you, Xena. There is something wonderful about a man fresh from the shower smelling good and smooth faced. Now there's a couple of sparks.
Reply Bets
6:24 PM on September 6, 2010 
The Boy wants to partake in Beard Season this year. Now, I'm down with manicured scruff, and I'm partial to his little chin-beard, but the whole idea of The Boy hiding his face behind a whole lot of facial pelt just skeeves me right the hell out. I'm not a fan of pelt, facial or other-wise.
Reply beerwad
4:44 PM on September 7, 2010 
a proper beard, in all it's glory, is the ultimate aphrodisiac. you're gonna see. when trigger rocks a beard he rocks a beard right.
Reply Deanna
8:00 PM on September 17, 2010 
Bets says...
The Boy wants to partake in Beard Season this year. Now, I'm down with manicured scruff, and I'm partial to his little chin-beard, but the whole idea of The Boy hiding his face behind a whole lot of facial pelt just skeeves me right the hell out. I'm not a fan of pelt, facial or other-wise.


Maybe you should join the hair growing fiasco in protest and start sporting some rockin pit pelts, legwarmers and a fur taco.