Miserable Retail Slave

by RFP

Like most socially inadequate young persons currently residing in the twilights of their twenties, I spend an inordinate amount of time tweeting, facebooking, texting, e-mailing, blogging - generally anything that facilitates communication with another person, but does away with that pesky face-to-face awkwardnesses.

No, I would rather hide behind the blue, soulless glow of a computer screen than risk making eye contact with another human being. Remember, your computer screen watches, but never judges.

Facebook is a great way to catch up with old friends (i.e. see who got fat and ugly), meet new people (i.e. stalk unsuspecting targets without the threat of a restraining order), and inform your friends about important moments in your life (i.e. let everyone know every little detail of your life, including your current emotional fragility, your opinions on Demi Lovato, and the size and contents of your latest bowel movement).

Because most people compulsively check their Facebook pages 4-15 times a day, Hollywood hopes that you'll run out and throw piles of money at your nearest box office to see "The Social Network." 

The Social Network is a story about the origins of Facebook, starring Jesse Eisenberg (Zombieland, Adventureland, anything with land in the title), Justin Timberlake (Black Snake Moan, Alpha Dog, Nipplegate '04) and, the new and improved Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield.

Sadly, this film is in no way, shape, or form a fictionalized account of Facebook's history (sarcasm implied), so there was no room for the fan favorite Bill Murray in zombie drag bit. 

Directing is David Fincher (Fight Club, Se7en, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), whose involvement gave me hopes of seeing Andrew Garfield's head in a box or Eisenberg beating the shit out of Timberlake and declaring "I felt like destroying something beautiful," but, alas, I know that it is not meant to be.

By the way, can you imagine putting Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg in a room together and having an awkward-off. Just the two of them, softly muttering mildly witty statements to each other in a completely vacant room. Just imagine all the pathetic social bumbling that would ensue. Hollywood, I know you're reading. I'm willing to sell you this pitch for a minor fee. But I digress.

Watching the trailer, two things caught my attention:

1. Eisenberg's rationale for creating Facebook, which seems to completely ignore the existence of myspace: "People want to go on the internet and check out their friends, so why not build a website that offers that. Friends, pictures, profiles. I'm talking about taking the whole social experience of college and putting it online."

Well, I thought the whole "whole experience of college" was going out and having unique experiences and meeting new people. Finding yourself, if you will. Not to manage random sex with strangers and binge drinking. All of which cannot really be fully enjoyed whilst lurking behind a computer screen.

Also, I researched the origins of Myspace and Facebook (meaning I looked it up on wikipedia) to see which one came first. The entry is somewhat vague, but from what I gather it was Myspace. Really doesn't matter now that Myspace is a wasteland of deserted profiles and crappy local bands. Obviously, Facebook won the war. 

2. The cover of Radiohead's "Creep" really fits the trailer well and, the more I think about it, fits the entire Facebook experience.

This song was actually the entire basis for this article, but you had to swim through 500 words to get here. Sorry.

The cover is by a Belgian girls choir dubbed Scala and Kolacny Brothers. 

This song is a PG cover of "Creep" with the word "fucking" expertly lifted and replaced with "very". 

The lyrics: "I wish I was special/ You're so very special/ But I'm a creep/ I'm a weirdo/ What the hell am I doing here?/ I don't belong here." 

If those lyrics as performed by a group of adolescent girls do not speak to the lonely, faux-social communication of Facebook, I don't know what will. 

Here's the trailer, so you can finally see what I've been rambling about. 

-RFP

Share