Miserable Retail Slave

by Tic Tac

So with this being my first “blog”, (note: I HATE this word. Blog. It just sounds stupid and annoying.) I guess I should introduce myself.

The name is Tic Tac. It’s not because of my small chest area, it’s because I have a slight obsession with my Blackberry. I am continually on my phone, texting, emailing, tweeting, face booking and I don’t what else.

It sleeps next to my pillow every night. My friends have even caught me trying to text while playing Mario Kart on the Wii. My bad.

I’m also referred to Beerwad’s wife. The ball and chain, his life keeper, his soul crusher, his warden and, his favorite one, his ½ pint Mexican groundhog. I enjoy slinging shampoo for a living. I love my collection of nail polish. I believe there is no such thing as “too much“. I am very much a girly girl and love it. Ok this is stupid. Next topic.

One of my favorite heroes in the world with now is a little drunken lady from Jersey. She goes by the name of Snooooo.... Just kidding. Chelsea Handler.

Host of the Chelsea Lately show on E! and a fantastic author that has been on the New York Times Best Sellers List. I think she is just as funny as when I give my dog crackers with peanut butter. Granted she is kind of a whore-ish type and likes to drink. We also share the love for nuggets. I’m at a lose of what I should share here.

Do I talk about how her books  are laugh out loud funny, or her late night television show? Her “news” program is the closest thing to news I can tolerate. Mainly because she just calls any and every celebrity out on their stupid actions and doings. I love her little co-host Chuy as well. The first time I heard him say ‘Alligator’ I almost peed my pants.

One of my favorite episodes was the one where she has an All Rapper Roundtable. It was amazing and I had tears from laughing so hard. She has also opened my eyes to tons of new comedians. Josh Wolf, Heather McDonald, Ross Matthews, Jo Koy, and my new favorite, Whitney Cummings.

Since I’m on a Chelsea Handler kick right now I want to remind you all to set your DVR for Sept 12. She’ll be hosting the VMAs on MTV. My bestie and I have our annual Bake off/Take off on this special evening. Okay, maybe it’s more just the bake off than a take off.  She informed me that she had to cancel the male stripper since I was married now. But back to baking. We come up with 3-5 delicious cookie or dessert recipes and just bake. Now, this is going to be a special year. We are looking to add Vodka into this mix somehow. Whether it is serving Lemon Drop shots or tossing in a splash of this magic stuff into our chocolate chip cookies. It’s going to be a good time!!

 -Tic Tac