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This is a Wit Free Zone.
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by Bets Wad
For a little while now my friend RFP has been pestering me to come up with something witty and amusing for his little site.
"Bets,"he pesters, repeatedly, "write for MRS. You know you want to."
And I do, but much like Ro-Ads and her stymied writing skills, my wit has deserted me as of late. Or it only makes appearances at the most inopportune moments. Like the middle of funeral services or while I'm being pulled over by an officer of the law at 2 a.m. after a hard night of showing the beer who's boss.
And I'm fairly certain that the only reason my misguided attempt at wit didn't get me sent to the pokey in that instance was because of the spectacular display of cleavage my friend Tay and I were sporting (Hooray for Boobies!). That and the hooker heels.
But anyways, I have been in search of my wit for some time now. I've looked in all of the usual places one searches when something has been misplaced - amongst the couch cushions, under the bed, behind the microwave, in The Boy's porn stash... And nothing.
Not one glimpse of my wayward wit. I'm about to post signs offering a reward for its safe return. My luck though, someone would give me Dane Cook's wit and he really kinda sucks. A lot.
So here I am, trying to be humorous and failing miserably. Without my wit I am nothing. Less than nothing even. I am like a pie without filling or a bottle without beer or a sammich without fix-ins. It's a very sad state of affairs.
Regardless, to return to the lost wit posters- It might be worth a shot. My wit could be found and returned and I would once again be an amusing person to speak to. Or at least I might become a touch less dull.
Now I'm left with the difficult task of how to properly describe my missing wit. I mean, how does one go about describing something invisible? It's not like I've lost my dog, he would be easy enough to describe: LOST: 80 pounds of fluffily leg-humping fury. Answers to the name Doggle when he feels like it. Looks like a cross between a retarded lab and a small horse with stumpier legs. Eats small children for snacks. If found please don't return.
Perhaps I ought to just resign myself to a life of witlessness. Plenty of people seem to do fine without one. Dubya for instance. No wit, but he managed to get himself elected president. Twice even.
Categories: Bets Wad
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4 Comments
Welcome to MRS! It is awesome to have another chick! We need to re-start the man o' the week.
how cute, my kid sister is here! and i may have found your wit in the bag of empties from the bonfire the other night. did yours have a thin candy shell?
Was it everything you hoped it would be, Bets Wad?
Xena- Ineed. Forward to the nommy mens!
Beerwad- yes. yes it did.
RFP- I just got a tickle in my potty.
Beerwad- yes. yes it did.
RFP- I just got a tickle in my potty.
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