Miserable Retail Slave

The June 4/11 double issue of Entertainment Weekly features the "100 Greatest Characters of the Last 20 Years." Any time there's a list like this, there's always something on it that just makes you shake your head and think, "that's not right." This list, specifically, seems completely wrong, though I couldn't give you a reason why nor could I give you any suggestions about who should be on the list, but was left off.

At any rate, here is the EW's top 25 characters of the past 20 years.

25. Woody (the Tom Hanks voiced cowboy from 'Toy Story')

24. Felicity Porter (from the WB show, 'Felicity')

23. Austin Powers

22. Cartman

21. Roseanne Connor

20. Ally McBeal

19. Morpheus (from 'The Matrix' trilogy)

18. Sue Sylvester (from 'Glee'. A character from a show that first aired 8 months ago, makes a list of Greatest characters in 20 years?)

17. Lara Croft, Tomb Raider

16. Bridget Jones

15. Shrek

14. Jeff 'The Dude' Lebowski

13. Jack Sparrow

12. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully

11. Cosmo Kramer

10. Spongebob Squarepants (Really? Spongebob beat Kramer?)

9. Carrie Bradshaw (from 'Sex in the City'...again, really?)

8. Hannibal Lecter

7. Edward Scissorhands

6. Rachel Green (from 'Friends')

5. The Joker (specifically, Heath Ledger's 'The Dark Knight' version)

4. Tony Soprano

3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

2. Harry Potter

1. Homer Simpson

The list is full of other head scratchers as well. Harold and Kumar are at #40. Two pot heads looking to quench their craving for tiny burgers are two of the greatest characters of the last 20 years? It's been a sad two decades then.

Stewie Griffin hits the list at 45, which seems a bit high. I'm not sure how much closer to the top 25 he should have been, but I do know he should have been in front of Harold and Kumar, Ron Burgundy (#40) and Cher from 'Clueless' (#34).

Juno makes the list at #54. I'm alright with her being on the list, but closer to 100. I am not ok with Edward Cullen being on the list at #53. I didn't realize that being a pale brooding douche with big hair made you a great character. In that case, I should've made the list somewhere.

Tracy Jordan from 30 Rock makes the list, as he should. So does Dave Chappelle's 'Clayton Bigsby' - the blind man who hates black people, but happens to be black.

"Master Chief" from Halo is at #59, ahead of Vic Mackey from The Shield (61), John Locke (63), Maximus from Gladiator (64), and Dan Draper from 'Mad Men' (74) - all of whom are actual characters with substance rather than a tool to use to shoot shit up with in a video game.

#70. This one really made no sense. From SNL, Mary Katherine Gallagher, Molly Shannon's dorky armpit-sniffing high schooler. What about Wayne and Garth? Tyler Durden makes the list at #76. I am Jack's Profound Sense of Disbelief. Why isn't he higher?

#85 If I have a milkshake and you have a milkshake....

Rounding out the list is Napoleon Dynamite (#88 - definitely should be on the list), Will Smith's Hancock (#91 - no,), The Bride from 'Kill Bill' (#99). At any rate, this list has inspired me to create my own list. One which you will see very soon. That's a warning.

-RFP