Miserable Retail Slave

Courtney Love Still Can't Shut Her Hole

by RFP

If you were startled out of your sleep last night by a sudden, unexpected noise that resembled the longing bleat of a cow or a highly aroused moose calling to its mate, you should know that it wasn't a one-ton, four-legged animal loose in your neighborhood; it was just Courtney Love desperately searching for the spotlight again.

As sure as the sky is blue and the sun is bright, Courtney Love will always have an opinion that everyone needs to hear.

Recently, Courtney's band, Hole, performed at Edgefest in Dallas. After the band's performance, she decided to (big surprise) open her mouth about the band headlining the concert, Limp Bizkit.

Says the Hole herself: 

"I have to say, as much as I like Fred, he brought about the worst years in rock history. That just be a fact, OK? That just be a fact. 'I did it for the nookie!' I did not do it for the nookie, I did it for the rock! I'm just saying, man, he's a nice guy, but Jesus!" 

That's right, Fred Durst is an unstoppable musical force and the harbinger of all things horrible in rock music. Courtney Love should know. She is an unofficial rock historian and the bearer of the torch of What Rocks And What Does Not. Courtney Love makes rock music that sucks. She is rock. Her new album is out and you should not buy it. Because it sucks rocks.

True, Fred Durst and Jonathan Davis of Korn inspired an entire crop of angsty rap-metal. But where did all that angst come from?

We won't mention all the crappy bands that tried to copy Nirvana and grunge music in general and the impact that that entire genre of rock music had on a generation of would-be rockers growing up in that time. Let's start a controversy. Kurt Cobain was responsible for the worst years in rock history (1996-2002). Discuss.

She wouldn't stop there. Oh no. It's very important that Love get her name in the media. Whether it's claiming she no longer wants to go by the last name of "Love" or saying her husband might be gay now if he were still alive, or making an allegation that Gavin Rossdale of Bush cheated on Gwen Stefani with her for months, Courtney needs to make sure her voice is heard.

She singled out a Limp Bizkit fan in the audience and started ranting. By the way, these quotes are missing words. That's just how she talks because she's missing brain cells.

"I see guy with backwards baseball cap. Dude, you! You scare me! You make me feel like you're going to rape me or something, and all my children! You did it for the nookie, dude in the red baseball hat! Do you know one word to one song? That is so lame. I'm so sorry; you're here for the nookie! I could beat your ass."

I really have nothing to say about that comment. I will just let the wisdom and class of Miss Love wash over you like a shower of liquid shit in 90 degree heat. 

-RFP