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Miserable Retail Slave's Summer Movie Preview
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by Abe, Xena, and RFP
(Note: Abe's picks will be in blue, RFP's in red, and Xena's in pink because she is a girl and we are sexist)
Summer is almost here and so is the time for Kid Rock songs (again?!?), Slip and Slides, and Summer Blockbusters! Even with the addition of rumbling seats and 3d glasses going to the movies is so expensive that unless you go alone to the matinee you’re better off just watching all the movies via Netflix you couldn’t afford to go see in the theaters in the winter and spring. Thanks to the internet movie database I have chosen a select group of movies that I would go and see if I felt like throwing $10+ away.
1. Iron Man 2:
Besides the new Twilight Saga movie, Iron Man 2 looks like the only blockbuster worthy of large, nerdy audiences. Don’t even get me started on Marvel Comics. The capacity for adapting comic books into movies is now and will be more as technology grows. It’s too bad that studio licensing, bad directing and casting and poor stories have stymied most of Marvel’s attempts at launching a successful franchise. DC is no better, but they have fewer at bats, and a very good run with the last two Batman movies. Marvel will make anything into a movie starring anyone. The Iron Man series appears to be Marvel’s golden egg right now, and as long as Robert Downey Jr. and director Jon Favreau are onboard and there is no Topher Grace as Venom these films should remain fan favorites.
2. A Nightmare on Elm Street:
Though reboots and remakes are becoming quite overdone in Hollywood I have intentions of seeing this one. The Nightmare on Elm Street franchise went in a completely different direction than the original movie in the eighties when the creative team made Freddy Kreuger humorous. One of the greatest villains of all time, an undead pedophile with horrible scars, a glove with knifes for fingers and an all access pass into your dreams was really dulled down when they made him a flippin’ comedian. I am confident the new movie will return to its roots with a more sinister portrayal of the villain played by Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen, Little Children). For anyone who has seen the movie Little Children, Haley was creepy enough with a diving mask and snorkel as the town pedophile. The role should be perfect for him and if Hollywood is going to be churning out unoriginal reboots hopefully this movie breathes some life back into the keystone horror franchise of the 80’s.
3. Get Him to the Greek:
The spin-off perhaps everyone forgot about or never heard about. The Judd Apatow produced Get Him to the Greek is a movie centered around Aldous Snow the scene stealing character from Forgetting Sarah Marshall and the role that helped British comedian Russell Brand surface on the radar of mainstream America. By the looks of the trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckQEFV4mwIo ) Snow who was famously recovering from alcohol drug and sex addiction in Forgetting Sarah Marshall is no longer recovering. This may be another hit for director and co writer Nicholas Stoller who saw such success with Marshall. The movie costars Jonah Hill who is sure to provide a stellar comedic one two as the straight man to Brand’s maniac.
4. Cyrus: This movie will be off the blockbuster map, but hopefully it sees good distribution. Cyrus stars John C. Reilly, Marisa Tomei, and Jonah Hill. The premise revolves around Reilly (Stepbrothers, Walk Hard) a divorcee played by Tomei who meets the perfect woman only to run into speed bumps with her grown son, played by Jonah Hill. The comedic tandem of Reilly and Hill bolster the chances of the success of this movie, but the independent production may prevent it from flourishing in theaters.
5. The Other Guys: Will Ferrell and longtime collaborator Adam Mckay (Anchor Man, Stepbrothers) team up again for this movie following ho hum desk jockey police officer Ferrell and his partner played by Mark Wahlberg as they rise up to hero greatness through comedy and mischief.
6. Machete: If anyone went to go see the Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez team up Grindhouse in theaters they probably remember the highpoints of the film being the fake trailers between movies. Well because of their success a couple of those fake trailers have seen the green light to become features themselves. Machete stars Danny Trejo and is directed by the man, Robert Rodriguez (Sin City, From Dusk Till Dawn). I am assuming the plot will be expanded from the trailer from the Grindhouse double feature. Expect over the top violence, probably nudity and more violence from this movie. Hopefully the movie follows the gritty ‘B’ movie quality of the fake trailer. It is expected to be released Labor Day weekend. Also, if you were a fan of the Grindhouse trailers, it has been released that one of the other trailers Hobo With a Shotgun has also been put into production.
Xena
There are quite a few movies I am looking forward to this summer, all the standard sequels and blockbusters, “Iron Man 2”, “Shrek Forever After”, “Toy Story 3”, etc. But, here are a few that really sparked my interest the most...
Everybody who knows me, knows about my love for all things Zombie. George Romero does it again with his “Survival of the Dead” due out May 28th. This one takes place on an island with 2 feuding families during the zombie holocaust. Everything I have read about it says that it screams classic Romero, with touches of a classic western. To say the least, I am pretty geeked.
I also love the 1980's classic T.V. Series “The A Team”, which is being re-made this summer for the big screen. Everybody remembers Hannibal, Face, Howling Mad Murdoch, and BA Baracus... kicking cuss, without ever doing any permanent damage. All I have to say is “I Pity Da Fool” who doesn't want to see this one.
I love about 1/3 of M. Night Shyamalan's movies. (and NO- “Signs” was not one of them). But, there is something about “The Last Airbender” that has me intrigued. It is supposed to be a battle of 4 nations, each one having the power over a unique element- Fire, Air, Water, or Earth. And then there is one lone boy who can control them all. I have never seen the cartoon it is supposed to be based off of, but I love weird off-the-wall science fiction.
So, being a woman writing for a primarily all male website, I feel as if I have to talk about a “Sex and the City 2”. I own the first movie, and have seen every episode of the show, at least once. I don't know why I love it so much, but for some reason the middle-age sexcapades of spoiled rich New Yorkers is an awesome hilarious guilty pleasure.
And, last but not least, I have to talk about a manly action flick. First, understand that I love Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, and (in certain cases) Jet Li. I do not love Sylvester Stallone, and since he is directing this one, every bone in my body screams to run away, but for some reason I want to see it. A team of mercenaries are off to Africa to overthrow a dictator. Sounds pretty standard, but I am hoping for some crazy awesome fight scenes.
Hey there. Hopefully you're still reading by this point. Pretty long, I know. But we love movies.
I'm not going to waste any more of your time by talking about flicks that Abe and Xena already mentioned. Like everyone else I am eagerly awaiting Iron Man 2 and the impending nerdgasm that will be the eventual "Avengers" movie. I can't wait to see what seeds are planted in IM2 that will lead into next summer's "Thor".
I'm also stoked about "The A-Team" and I'm already prepared for the inevitable letdown that that film will bring. "The Expendables" is also on my list. All those action stars in one place, should be kick ass.
Here's some that I am anticipating that Abe and Xena didn't mention.
1. "Inception"
Chances are that you've heard very little about this movie and that isn't an accident. The script details have been a highly guarded secret. I can tell you it's a movie by Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight), stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page, and is about a group of dream thieves who jump into people's heads, stealing all of their best ideas, and selling them to the highest corporate bidder. Pretty cool, no?
2. "Grown Ups"
This will probably be a letdown, too. Or it could be the funniest comedy of the summer. Starring the former cast of SNL in the years when it was awesome (Sandler, Spade, Rock, Schneider, MacDonald) plus Kevin James (King of Queens, I Know Pronounce You Chuck and Larry), Salma Hayek and Steve Buscemi, this movie is about childhood friends that reunite for the first time since they were kids.
3. "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World"
I was going to talk about Scott Pilgrim last week, but as is often the case, other things got in the way. I have no doubt that I will get to it in the next few weeks, well before this movie's August release date. Without a doubt, Scott Pilgrim vs The World (starring Michael Cera) will be unlike anything else in theaters this summer. It should be a lot of fun. Check out the trailer below and check back here for further Scott Pilgrim info.
-an Abe, Xena, RFP Joint
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2 Comments
Mr. T. never said I pity the fool in A-team. He said that in Rocky III.
Nightmare on Elm Street was amazing. It's weird that Freddy isn't played by Englund anymore, but Haley does a fantastic job.
I'm excited for The Last Airbender because I'm a nerd and I love M. Night Shyamalan. He's actually usually pretty hit-or-miss, but there's always a good point to his movies.
The Expendables excites me because A, I love Stalone, and B, Dolph Lundgren is in it. Rocky vs Drago again?
Scott Pilgrim looks hilarious. What a fantastic idea.
I'm actually not sure how I feel about Iron Man 2. The first one was good, but for some reason I'm not that excited. What I really can't wait for is Captain America.
I'm excited for The Last Airbender because I'm a nerd and I love M. Night Shyamalan. He's actually usually pretty hit-or-miss, but there's always a good point to his movies.
The Expendables excites me because A, I love Stalone, and B, Dolph Lundgren is in it. Rocky vs Drago again?
Scott Pilgrim looks hilarious. What a fantastic idea.
I'm actually not sure how I feel about Iron Man 2. The first one was good, but for some reason I'm not that excited. What I really can't wait for is Captain America.
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