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Leave Nickelback Alone!!! You Big Meanies!!!!
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by RFP
A man should never have to suck his own cock for a 12-pack. That’s why you should go out and buy the new Daughtry album, Leave This Town.
I hated lead single, “No Surprise,” the first time that I heard it, but with its Chad Kroegerian vocal stylings, simple rhythm and rhyming singalong lyrics, I knew that it could become an ear tumor.
You’ve dealt with ear tumors before. That one song that you absolutely hate, but its so sugary and catchy that it gets lodged into your eardrum, eventually spreading and rotting your brain like a Jack O’Lantern left out in the rain.
The symptoms of an ear tumor most commonly occur in the early morning hours while getting ready for work. The most common symptom is humming or singing the same part of the song over and over again for hours. Usually, it’s the most annoying part of the song that gets repeated. For example, I spent weeks with the chorus to the N Sync song “Bye Bye Bye” running through my infected brain. The chorus, of course, starts with “bye bye bye bye bye bye” and that is what I sang to myself. I’m surprised I didn’t commit suicide.
ANYWAY. The reason the song sounds like it’s coming straight from the Nickelback frontman’s throat is because Chris Daughtry co-wrote the song with Chad Kroeger.
It’s not a bad idea. You’re Chris Daughtry. You’ve managed to obtain a career by finishing 4th on a glorified talent show. Nickelback is the “biggest” rock band on Top 40 radio right now. Might as well copy their sound in order to ensure that your 15 minute Candle of Fame burns for an extra 30 seconds.
Nickelback is the big rock n roll punchline right now. The cool thing to do is to hate Nickelback because a) Creed hasn’t been around for awhile and b) all their songs sound the same.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it sells, it’s gonna keep on selling. I say milk it for all its worth. Chad Kroeger, write as many songs as you want for others and yourself that sound the same. I don’t blame you. I know where you have come from.
From an April 2008 interview with Playboy (yes, I do read the articles), when asked what the stupidest thing he ever did for beer was, Chad Kroeger replied:
“ I put my own dick in my mouth. I was 14 and much more flexible at the time. It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer.”
Come on people. Have a heart. Buy Daughtry’s new single. Buy Nickelback’s new album. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to know that my not supporting his band forced Chad Kroeger to suck cock for beer once again.
It’s ok to like Nickelback. The newly reunited, Creed, however, well, some sins cannot be so easily forgiven….
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