Miserable Retail Slave

by RFP

Welcome to RFP's Rejects, a feature on this site that, hopefully, won't be a regular thing. Whenever I write something for an Unnamed Corporate Entity and it gets rejected, chances are it will end up here. It doesn't surprise me that this particular article wasn't published because I really had no clue what they wanted from it. 

Here is the original article, spiced up with some pics of Megan Fox because she is fun to look at.

Megan Fox Says The Darndest Things

10 Ridiculous Things That Megan Fox Has Said

“I have a poem I wrote on my ribcage and a symbol for strength on my neck, and my boyfriend Brian’s name tattooed next to my pie” – FHM



Before achieving mainstream recognition and sex symbol status due to her role as Mikaela Banes in ‘Transformers,’ Megan Fox appeared in the family-friendly ABC sitcom, ‘Hope and Faith.’ Here she drops a "PG-13" quote in a FHM magazine interview that probably didn't sit well with the producers of the "G" rated sitcom.



“They’re boys; they’re easily toyed with, I tell stories and have them eating out of my hand.” –Elle



Megan says what she really thinks of journalists and why she continually feeds them outlandish lies.



“I don’t find myself attractive. I think it’s way easier to capture me from an angle where I look like Steve Buscemi.” – Rolling Stone



Megan thinks she's ugly and women across America roll their eyes in disdain. No Megan Fox, you are not hot at all (yeah, right).

Notice the p

“I am pretty sure I am a doppelganger for Alan Alda. I’m a tranny. I’m a man. I’m so painfully insecure..” – on the red carpet at the 2009 Golden Globe awards



“I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl – Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.” –GQ



Megan fueling the imaginations of men all across the country.



“She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney.” –GQ



Megan, letting the world know that she disagrees with Disney making Vanessa Hudgens apologize for nude photos of her that were leaked to the internet. It's safe to say she won't be in a Disney film any time soon.



“Because I’m young and female, people want me to be like some Disney Channel, supersafe, sex-before-marriage-is-bad, Taylor Swift, I-date-someone-with-a-promise-ring, bullshit girl.” – Esquire



Megan, taking offense with the preconceived notions of who she is versus who she should be.



“I don’t want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I’ve ever learned to prove, like, ‘Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.’ I don’t want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard.” –Esquire



She makes a valid point, but doesn't deliver that point in the most PC of ways.



“He wants to be like Hitler on his sets" - Entertainment Weekly



This is in reference to Michael Bay, director of both 'Transformers' movies. In response, Bay has said that he's considering killing off her character in the next film.



“Men are scared of vaginas. And then when you give them a powerful, confident vagina, they’re terrified. They don’t know how to deal with it. Look, I didn’t figure something special out here. I wasn’t born with a special vagina. All vaginas are created equal.” – Rolling Stone



Megan gives the term 'girl power' a new meaning.