Miserable Retail Slave

by RFP

Lets suppose that you are nestled snugly in the 9.6% of Americans who are currently out of work. There's no work in sight, your prospects seem slim. You probably fall into two categories:

a) you had been working in the same career for 20+ when the rug was pulled out from underneath you. You wonder, what the hell am I going to do now?

b) you're a recent college grad (in the last 3 or so years) and can't find a job in your field because no one is willing to take a risk on a newbie right now. Experience is required. You wonder how you'll ever gain experience if every job requires experience.

Don't worry, folks. Even though you may be running out of unemployment benefits soon and the debt is starting to pile up, there is no need to panic.

I have a solution for all of your monetary woes.

Let me explain the, ahem, situation for you.  All you need to succeed in this life is to be a narcissistic, tail chasing douchbag with an addiction to hair gel and a future full of melanoma.

There's no need to have a skill, talent, or gift that will somehow make the world a better place. 

Just be a douche. 

Everyone assumes that these Jersey Shore clowns would party through their allotted 15 minutes and then get a reality check. Well, The Situation's reality check just happens to have 7 figures on it.

The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino of Jersey Shore fame is set to make an amazing $5 million.

Reading that statement has possibly made you do one or more of the following:

• question the existence of a fair and just God.
• sent you spiraling into a pit of existential despair.
• throw your laptop aside in favor of a frantic search for your Ab Roller.
• wonder how one can sell one's soul to the devil and get a similar deal. Is Satan in the yellow pages?