Miserable Retail Slave

by The Miserable Retail Slave staff

Five Finger Death Punch, "Bad Company" (Bad Company cover)

Bad Company's self-titled song is covered by a group of angsty rockers.

Tommy Goodtimes:

 I like this song somewhat, but really it only makes me want to listen to the original. I give them credit, I like the music. The guy's voice is definitely made to sing metal though, not rock n roll. What's with this stuff with metal bands covering older rock songs? There should be a genre of music named just for this. And it should be called "songs that should not have been remade". It just irritates me, do Five Finger Death Punch really like Paul Rogers and the boys? Or are they doing this because it's a famous song and they know metal heads like to secretly listen to classic rock? 

4.5 out of 10

RFP

The coolest thing about this band is their name. Aside from that, they are just another bland metal band destined to fade back into obscurity in a few years. 

You're right, Tommy. There should be a genre of "songs that should not be remade." This would be at the top of the list. Because the song sucked the first time. 

What really irritates me about modern rock bands covering classic songs is a) They are usually completely unnecessary b) The bands that record them do so because they are trying to make money from someone else's work because all of their songs suck and c) Most of the time, listeners think the band covering the song actually wrote it.

See also: Kid Rock, "Feel Like Making Love", Staind, "Black"

Xena:

Okay. I wonder what was said that convinced them it was a good idea to do this. Do you think that they were all sitting around drinking some sort of booze and energy drink concoction and said “lets cover the NEXT song that comes on the radio?” 

Then they turned on like the classic rock channel while the stations mentally challenged intern was choosing the play list? Then they were like “Let's turn it into a whiny, angsty piece of bull dookie!!!” 

It was pretty darn horrible, like an attempt to just get people interested in their craptacular selves. Though I did enjoy the whaling guitar solo near the end... If I had any air guitar skills I would have been going crazy-ish. 

Nickelback, "This Afternoon"

The Canadian mainstream rock band's newest single from 2008's Dark Horse album

Tommy Goodtimes:

Wow, Nickelback goes Uncle Kracker, how pathetic. Another fucking anthem that tools will be karoaking for years to come. Will Chad Krueger ever figure out who he actually is? I think he's a corporate cock sucker who changes his music to make sure it goes good with ripped jeans. "Drink up, fall down and we'll do it all again". Thats clever, I like the play on up and down. Maybe he SHOULD go back and try to graduate. Then he might be smart enough too acknowledge how bad his band sucks.

1 out of 10 (for the hot girls in bikinis)

RFP

Should we start taking bets? Every year there seems to be a few definitive "songs of the summer". Songs that, good or bad, come to define a certain summer based on the fact that they are so overplayed they seem to permeate every crevice of your life. 

How much do you want to bet that this song is one those bloody summer songs? 

It reminds me of a summer song from last year, "All Summer Long" by Kid Rock. Was that as inescapable everywhere in the country or just here in the Great Lakes State mainly because of the line "it was summer time in northern Michigan". 

If anyone from another state has any knowledge on this, I would like to know.

BTW, speaking of "corporate cock sucker", do you remember Chad Kroeger's Playboy interview that I talked about last summer? You've got part of that phrase right....

Xena

Cuss Nickelback. I actually heard this song on the radio earlier today and decided that it was a country song. And not from the era where country music was actually decent, but more of the “Chicken-fried-Kenny-Chesney” bullshit. Since when does a “rock” band strive to be a country cross-over? Isn't it the other way around? But, I agree with RFP, it is going to be unavoidable this summer. You know how I know that to be true? Trigger loves the damn song.

RFP

The Country-crossover is the way that rock bands that have seen their fan demographic age along with them retain their fanbase. See, Darius Rucker forgetting Hootie and developing a twang, Bon Jovi collaborating with Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland, and Def Leppard ruining their classics with America's Sweetheart, Taylor Swift. Hell, even Sebastian Bach recorded a country single.

But I don't get why Nickelback needs to keep selling out. They don't need the money. I'm pretty sure this isn't the kind of music that these guys really like to make. I have their first major album, The State, as proof of that.

-RFP, Tommy Goodtimes, Xena