Miserable Retail Slave

Dallas Braden's Perfect Response to That AHole.

by RFP

Sunday, I thought I would be clever.

As Tyler Durden of FIght Club fame would say, "how's that working out for you? Being clever."

Not very well, it turns out. See, on Sunday I sat Dallas Braden, a starting pitcher for the Oakland A's, in my fantasy baseball league.

That's right. Fantasy baseball. I got into an argument with this girl I know once. She said she didn't understand it and then thought she'd be "hilarious" by mentioning it wasn't right, me fantasizing about other men.

I told her, I only fantasize about men when they are balls involved. Then, I realized what I said, shook my head and walked away. Sometimes, it's best to just admit defeat.

ANYWAY, on Sunday, Dallas Braden threw a perfect game. In case you're unfamiliar, a perfect game is one of the hardest achievements in baseball. To get a perfect game, a starting pitcher must pitch all 9 innings without giving up a hit or a walk. The minute an opposing player touches a base, there goes your perfect game.

Fantasy baseball aside, I was excited for Braden the real-life person. It's something that's only occurred 19 times in baseball history and hasn't happened in Oakland for 42 years since Catfish Hunter (What an awesome name) did it. 

Dallas Braden did it on Mother's Day, in front of his very excited grandmother. Afterwards, an emotional Braden hugged his grandmother and kissed his deceased mother's wedding ring, which he was wearing around his neck.

And also, this perfect game is a big middle finger to Alex Rodriguez.

You may know ARod from being a Yankee, boinking Madonna, boinking Kate Hudson, and being a cheater.

A few weeks ago, Braden and ARod got into it when the A's played the Yankees. After a foul ball, ARod took a shortcut back to first base by crossing over the pitcher's mound while Braden was pitching. 

Braden didn't take kindly to this and started yelling lots of 4 letter words starting with "F"

"Alex, you fart. Don't touch my mound. Fart off" was probably what Braden didn't say.

After the game, ARod was asked about the incident and he responded thusly:

“He just told me to get off his mound. I was a little surprised. I’ve never heard of that, especially from a guy with a handful of wins in his career."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. That's what a douche says when his ego gets hurt. 

How dare Dallas Braden speak out against something he thinks is wrong. Young players aren't allowed to do that!!!

Listen, if the drunken corpse of Babe Ruth walked out to the mound and puked up whiskey on his cleats, then Braden should keep his mouth shut. Because it's Babe Ruth. He's a legend. And apparently a zombie.

But, ARod's credentials flew out the window the moment he admitted to taking performance enhancing drugs.

This isn't the first time he's done things that have "disrepected" the game. It seems like he does it more than any other player.

ARod's own manager, Joe Girardi said on Sunday after the perfect game: "To me, the biggest thing is just that everyone just respects the game and what the game has meant to so many people. Not whether you’re a rookie or an older guy.”

By ARod's logic, Dallas Braden should be able to say whatever he wants now because he is a part of history. 

ARod acknowledged the feat Sunday by saying:

"I've learned in my career, it is much better to be recognized for all the great things you do on the field. Good for him, he threw a perfect game. And better yet, he beat the Rays."

But I think Dallas Braden's grandmother said it best. As I said before, she watching the game in the stands. After her grandson's victory, she was interviewed and said, simply, "Stick it, ARod."