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Why Remake '3 Ninjas'? Well, Why Not?
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by Josh
As a kid, one of the first movie franchises outside of the Disney Empire that I remember watching religiously as a kid was the 3 Ninjas saga. For those of you who don’t know about the original film, “3 Ninjas” was released during a time where America was taken by a literal ninja storm of Japanese influence (Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), and Saban and 4Kids Entertainment followed suit (VR Troopers, Superhuman Samurai Cyber Squad, Big Bad Beetleborgs, etc). To this day we Americans have been unable to escape the tried-and-true Asian invasion (Samurai Jack, Ninja Warrior, Shaolin Showdown, Ninja-tagline ad nauseam).
For the record of Hollywood greed, this engine was not immune to sequels either, and 3 Ninjas had three (Kick Back, Knuckle Up, and High Noon at Mega Mountain).
Of course as a kid I would think this was the most awesome stuff to watch. Kids my age were kicking ass, and as one as naïve as a child, I was immune to the type of humor that the adult in me would find ham-fisted and cheesy.
In addition, the old, wise Oriental sage stereotype is in full force. Victor Wong had to have realized at some point that he was being used as the old Asian master guy that many actors from Southeast Asia/Japan seem to be utilized for. Jackie Chan always seems to find himself in stunt roles. Chun-Yow Fat expressed discontentment for always playing the sage-like monk, and regretted the typecast that “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” placed for him on an international level. Pat Norita will forever be remembered first for his roles in “The Karate Kid” and “Happy Days” second.
However, for all its flaws…given that everything is being remade now, if I were to see a movie franchise revitalized, I’d see this one, and here’s why:
1. While others might try and place ninja kids as far into 2011 as possible and beyond (much like how the Karate Kid re-make allowed Jaden Smith to do a crazy backflip-kick instead of Danny LaRusso’s crane stance for the final point), I’d argue that using everyday items as weapons was what gave the original 3 Ninjas film appeal in the first place. Also, the plot was simple, but deep enough for growth. For example, seeing Snyder as a more developed villain as well as featuring more facets of his dojo/network would’ve made him much more fearsome. Would it take away from the “family-movie” status it had? Yes, but if Nickelodeon can play The Fifth Element uncut, we can have our dark ninja movie.
2. The plot for “3 Ninjas: Knuckle Up” was amazing. The three brothers were placed in a situation with both racial and environmental elements: the land needed to be saved from a toxic waste baron, and the dumping itself threatened the land of a Native American tribe to the point of death. Some kind of underdog, grassroots movement masquerading as a ninja movie put this sequel well ahead of its time, and featuring noted actors like Jack Napier, Vincent Schiavelli, as well as the original kids from the first movie. If Disney has taught us anything, it’s that badasses like The Rock and Vin Diesel can be brought to their knees with “family-friendly” comedy. But again, why not inject some of their worlds into the G-rated mix, and watch it boil?
Then again, maybe the plot was slightly old; Captain Planet had long since came and went. You be the judge.
3. An untapped cinema market in the realm of re-makes is making movies darker than they were before (with the exception of Christopher Nolan’s “Batman” franchise). To this day I debate myself endlessly over who was a better Joker: Jack Nicholson or Heath Ledger. Injecting the real-life, hard-copy stuff of the late 80s/early 90s with the modern desensitization of the present, and a little CGI, and this film has potential.
4. Chuck Norris was an American ninja, of sorts. Yes, I’m aware he was a martial artist, but a good number of people I know like to blend karate with ninjas, in their minds. To say that fanboys would watch this revamped movie in droves could be an understatement. Hell, give Mr. Norris a role like Hulk Hogan got in High Noon.
If you survived all my fanboyism, here’s the point I’m trying to make:
Let’s remove the camp from family films of old. Or better yet, revitalize some interesting ideas and make them darker. It would seem that remakes are the wave of the future (the only original movie of recent years I can think of is Scott Pilgrim; NOTHING was original about Avatar), so if we’re gonna do them, let’s make them better so that we’re not complaining about the fact that Hollywood is remaking films AND making them suck.
-Josh
Notes from the podcast: True Story. Episode 2 - "Zack Morris' Mastery of Time and Space"
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This week Paulie Walnuts takes a trip to Chicago, RFP sings some Jesus Jones, the work of TIm Burton is dismissed, a favorite Batman is selected, "Batdance" is referenced, RFP is freaked out by damn dirty apes, and a discussion of the final episode of "Perfect Strangers" leads to a discussion about Taxi and the filmography of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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Notes:
Paulie Walnuts DIDN'T summon the ghost of Harry Caray during his recent trip to Chicago.
What a waste.
Jesus Jones, "Right Here, Right Now"
Which Planet of the Apes ending did you prefer? The original....
or the newest one starring Marky Mark?
Batdance.....ugh....
Junior. Arnold is expecting....
All Arnold, All the Time
A Closer Look At Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
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by Josh
Here's a note about a topic I hold very close to my heart.
It's in regards to the movie that has completely caught my attention, and if you follow my Facebook, it needs no introduction.
That's right. A painstakingly long note on my review of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.
I'd like to add that this wouldn't be possible if not for Paulie Walnuts. His combating my own starstruck initial perceptions of the movie forced me to take the film for what it is and look at it differently.
First off, the plot is simple, but original (to a degree). Scott Pilgrim meets his (literal) dream girl, Ramona Flowers. The two hit it off, but in order for them to date, he must defeat all seven of her Evil Exes. The film in itself is the big screen adaptation of the graphic novel series Scott Pilgrim. Having read all six novels, I rented the DVD with some guy friends and tried to keep my inner critic out of the room for a couple hours.
I'm going to cover my review in seven sections, mostly gravitated around each Evil Ex:
1.) From the very beginning of the movie, a lot of promises are made to the audience. We know that a fusion of video game, comic book, and conventional movie is attempted here, and the visuals are amazing. The fight with the first Evil Ex, Matthew Patel, gets us primed for more and I'm ready.
2.) Comparing book to movie, the differences here aren't noteworthy regarding the fight with Lucas Lee. However, at about this point in the books, a bit of backstory is revealed regarding Scott and Kim Pine. I felt that this was needed; instead, Kim comes off as kind of a broken-hearted girl creeping on Scott from the shadows. Her character is much deeper than that. The one-liners and the quirkiness of the characters let me forgive this, however.
3.) Story stays pretty accurate here in the fight against Todd Ingram. Vegan psychic, Envy, Scott almost dying...all here. An interesting change is that Scott doesn't get his extra life here: that happens against the Twins much later. We also don't see how Todd cheats on Envy; this side-plot was important for developing Envy as first a source of heartache for Scott, and later, a refuge for when he is dumped by Ramona. Also, there is a battle where Knives and Ramona fight against Envy, and almost lose.
The bass battle is pretty cool, though.
4.) This is where the movie loses momentum at an alarming rate. In the books, Scott and Ramona move in together and Scott gets a job with Stephen. We see none of this, and we don't see Scott try to pick himself up out of his slacker life. Instead, we're treated to an immediate fight after Todd with Roxie. I wanted to cringe when she screamed that she was a little "BI-FURIOUS!!!!!" not because of its cliche, but for how they portrayed her character. I swear I've met the real-life version of Roxie at every college campus I've visited...
Anyway, lots of details get melded here. The party was supposed to be for the Katanyagi Twins. The back-of-knee weak spot was a weakness of Envy's, not Roxie's. And Mr. Chau, Knives' father, isn't even in the script (a Ninja Gaiden-style battle takes place with Scott/Ramona vs. Roxie/Mr. Chau). Lots of holes are getting riddled in the script due to negligence...and Scott gets his Power of Love Sword here, not against Gideon.
5 and 6.) This is the Evil Ex fight that I had the most problems with. The Katanyagi Twins are straight badasses in the book. They have robots that fight their battles, and they actually speak and go into depth as to how Ramona hurt the both of them. Instead, we're introduced to Gideon before the Twins "fight" Scott (the movie fight is a battle of the bands with the Twins vs. Sex Bob-omb), and the Twins fall in, like, 3 minutes.
7.) I was in love with the scenes with Gideon and hated them at the same time. I loved the action, and loved the swordplay. I hated the fight with Ramona and Knives, and equally hated Scott/Knives vs. Gideon. This was a total creative betrayal of the relationship this movie sought to establish with Scott and Ramona. Also, not much explanation is given as to how Gideon is this powerful or how he got the chip on Ramona; in the novels, she had this chip on her all along.
What details were missed that this movie needed?:
-Stephen turning gay/working at the Happy Avocado, an area where Scott works...character development.
-Scott's wilderness sabbatical with Kim Pine, where he fights and merges with Nega-Scott.
-Ramona isn't even involved in the final fight between Scott and Gideon; she herself is in the woods at her father's cabin while all this happens.
-Backstory discussing Kim, Stephen, Wallace, and Envy.
-Gideon dates Envy near the end of the movie, not Ramona.
Having said all this...this movie was definitely for the fans or the mildly curious. I legitimately love this movie anyway, because it reaches out to a side of myself I wish I could achieve. Nerdy guys, isn't it one of the most epic things we can do, to fight for the dream girl on our terms? Scott Pilgrim gets this. How about music skills? Bass guitar. Video game styled combat and sound effects? Hell yeah.
But the real message I got from this movie is this: she's out there. You can love if you be yourself. That's a damn good message.
The delivery definitely was a creative answer I've been seeking forever in at least one movie, and the people from my generation will love this.
Also, comparing levels of badassery, here's where I'd rank the Evil Exes as far as legitimate danger (with 7 being the highest):
1. Matthew Patel: Despite this guy being a total pansy, he actually was probably the most believable Evil Ex (besides Lucas Lee). Plus, he's the first one we see in the trailers. "MISTER PILGRIM!!!!!1111!one!!!1!1!"
2. Roxie Richter: I kind of felt like the bisexual stereotype was played too heavily in the movie for her. Nevertheless, both Scott and Ramona team up to defeat her. Weak.
3. Katanyagi Twin: See below.
4. Katanyagi Twin: If only their robot skills were used in the movie...but they weren't, and a creative outlet was totally missed here.
5. Lucas Lee: Action star, stunt team...
6. Todd Ingram: psychic powers? He could've torn Scott in half with his MIND. He blew a hole in the moon, for crying out loud. But instead he flings Scott and throws him through a few walls.
7. Gideon Graves: He's the archvillain for a reason. I actually liked Jason Schwartzman's portrayal of Gideon; I felt it was pretty accurate.
On a nerd scale, I give this movie a 10/10.
On a critical scale, I give it a 6.5 out of 10.
....that averages out to a B grade. And that's not bad.
I'm getting the DVD soon. After I watch it a million times, I'm gonna get to work finding my own Ramona Flowers.
-Josh
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