Miserable Retail Slave
The Cure For The Case of Common Boredom
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Jersey Shore
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by Cody "Code-Slaw" Little
I think it is somewhat fair to say that anyone who watches Jersey Shore and believes that anything represented within the confines of its pseudo-reality is just as insane as the concept of the show itself.
I am not an expert on “Jersey Shore”, and in no way do I claim to be. My minimal experience is being subjected to the absurd notions of “T-Shirt Time” and the room they all fornicate in (known as the “Smash Room”;). I have found that my mouth goes dry with the inane and illogical constructions this show puts forth.
This series highlights several concepts I find appealing: I don’t actually have to work for my money; I can throw around racial slurs in public and absurd language and will not be held accountable; and I can also have sex with whomever I want, including my friend's girlfriends, most likely in the same room as they may have previously performed these acts.
If I were a self-respecting Italian-American, I would do everything in my power to have these people silenced. However that may come about, it doesn’t matter. You’re resourceful people.
Now as an educated individual, I know these are not facts, nor are they even rubbing elbows with reality. But how many of the poor fuckers that dive head first into this insanity base their lives around Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino and his vapid representation of manhood?
He was the manager of a fitness center, which basically means he stood around, sweat enough to re-wet the immense amounts of moose and/or grease in his hair, and tried not to shit his pants from all of the supplements he was on.
Trying to decide which idiotic quote to use here was harder than deciding if I could read through enough of them to find one that sounded dumber than the last. I will leave you now with one of the most unintelligibly dumb quotes I may have ever read:
“…I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook…”
But, as Leonardo DaVinci once said: “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”
Well congratulations, you simple bastards. Possibly the smartest Italian who ever lived just proved that you are some sophisticated Guidos.
I sometimes wonder if anyone actually likes these types of shows, or if society as a whole is so used to being told what is good or funny that (OH YEAH!) we can no longer decide what is good and what is T-Shirt Time. That’s the situation.
-Code-Slaw
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