Miserable Retail Slave

The next attempt to redeem my pop culture soul happens next Friday.

If you have seen "Face/Off", your achievement badge "John Travolta's Floating Face" is below. Create a folder on your facebook page titled "Film Geek" and save the image to that folder. You'll be able to track your progress and show the world how geeky you really are.

by RFP

The Quest to Purify My Pop Culture Soul" is RFP's attempt to finally see all of the movies that he's wanted to see. Many of these are some of the most successful films in Hollywood. Some of them didn't make much at all. Chances are, you've seen most of these. Join in the discussion as RFP stops procrastinating and takes the time to experience these movies for the first time.

The Quest to Purify My Pop Culture Soul, vol. 20

'The Wizard'

starring Fred Savage, Jenny Lewis, Christian Slater, Beau Bridges

It was one of the biggest events to happen in my life up to that point. I was in 3rd grade and my entire school was abuzz about the upcoming weekend.

It wasn't one of those epic skating parties that the school regularly held at the appropriately named "Skateland".

"TGIF", Friday's "must-see" line-up of safe family comedies, Full House, Perfect Strangers, and Family Matters, was usually a promising topic of conversation every Monday morning at school, but this particular weekend wasn't that special. And the epic Hulk Hogan/Ultimate Warrior Wrestlemania match-up that would divide an entire class was still several months away.

The reason that everyone was excited for the weekend was the world premiere of The Wizard starring Fred Savage. It had zero to do with the fact that Fred Savage was in it and everything to do with the fact that the world's first look at Super Mario Bros. 3 was rumored to take place within the storyline of the movie.

In theory, this was an excellent marketing tool by the producers of 'The Wizard'. I'm here to testify that there wasn't much more important to an 8-year old boy than his Nintendo and, by extension, Mario. Then again, I wonder what came first: the story of 'The Wizard' or the idea to create a long-form advertisement promoting Nintendo products and giving a first-look teaser of the upcoming Super Mario Bros. 3.

At any rate, everyone was stoked about the movie coming out and everyone in my class was talking about it, but only one person ended up going during opening weekend. Apparently, that was the case all across America because the flick only made around $15 million at the box office, according to that ever reliable source of info, wikipedia.

The one kid did go, however,  was a celebrity for a day because a small magazine previewing the Super Mario 3 was passed out during opening night at the theater he went  to. It was passed around the class and read under desks and underneath folded arms all day. We were seeing amazing things, things we had never seen before in a game. It was like a Playboy for 8 year olds. 

I was only able to see the movie when it was released on VHS. I remember it being everything I had hoped it would be. It was kids leaving home (WITHOUT THEIR PARENTS) and going on this road trip to California to play video games. Plus, Fred Savage kissed a girl, which was an intriguing, yet not altogether strange concept for my 9 year old brain to comprehend.

The story begins as Corey (Fred Savage) breaks his autistic brother, Jimmy, out of a mental asylum to take him on a trip to California. "California", being the only word that Jimmy has said since he shut down after his twin sister drowned. Corey and Jimmy's father and brother (Beau Bridges and Christian Slater) chase after the boys and try to get to him, for some reason, before a guy that Jimmy's mother hired finds them.

Along the way, they meet up with a sassy red-head named Haley (Jenny Lewis) and discover that Jimmy kills at Double Dragon (50,000! You got 50,000 points on Double Dragon!), destroying high scores like they never existed. Haley convinces them to go to "Video Armageddon",  a video game competition for the best players in the country.

In the meantime, the boys and Haley train on various games and sleep in a junkyard. It's a new generation's version of THe Hustler and The Color of Money as Corey puts Jimmy up to hustling grown-ups for money in bouts of competitive gaming.

It's all fun and games until Lucas, the town video game champ, gets wind of Jimmy's prowess. He challenges Jimmy to a match. 

Lucas becomes the town's resident badass the moment he straps on the Nintendo Power Glove and it's on...shit gets real.

At any rate, Lucas becomes Jimmy and Corey's unofficial arch enemy. The video game competition is attended. Tears are shed, hugs are swapped. Hearts are warmed. But the most important thing is that the world gets to see Super Mario Bros. 3, which, 20 something years later isn't that impressive. 

Has some part of my pop culture soul been saved by re-visiting this movie?

Watching The Wizard all these years later, it's clear that the film is nothing more than an extended commercial for Nintendo. Maybe that wasn't the original intent while the script was being written or the movie was being produced, but that's certainly what it became.

It's a simple, coming-of-age type story that may have appealed to the kids of my generation, but would probably be lost on any subsequent generation.

Nearly everyone who appeared in this film went on (or continued) to have prolific careers, with the exception of the actor who played Lucas, the cardboard cut-out, stereotypical teenage badass of the time. The kid with the attitude, torn jeans and carefully feathered hair that plagued the less popular kids in every teen-oriented film from 1985-1993.

Fred Savage went on to make sweet love to Winnie Cooper, have a mole poked by Mini Me, and became a director on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

Jenny Lewis went on to have a successful indie rock career, both solo and with Rilo Kiley and Jenny & Johnny.

Luke Edwards who played Jimmy went on to become a character actor in a hundred different movies and TV shows.

Beau Bridges continued to have a more talented younger brother, Jeff.

Christian Slater continued to squint his eyes and have a nasally voice all throughout '90s cinema.

SAVED OR FAILED: FAILED

Next time: The Crying Game

if you have seen The Wizard, your achievement badge is below. Create a folder on your facebook page titled "Film Geek" and save the image to that folder. You'll be able to track you progress and show the world how geeky you really are. the world how geeky you really are.

-RFP

by RFP

The Quest to Purify My Pop Culture Soul" is RFP's attempt to finally see all of the movies that he's wanted to see. Many of these are some of the most successful films in Hollywood. Chances are, you've seen most of these. Join in the discussion as RFP stops procrastinating and takes the time to experience these movies for the first time.

The Quest to Purify My Pop Culture Soul, vol. 19

'Junior'

starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito

Those same action heroes that we love to see break necks, destroy massive amounts of properties, and guilelessly steal the virtue of every big-breasted beauty within eye shot are the same action heroes that we love to see completely emasculated.

I talked about this before when I covered Schwarzenegger's The Last Action Hero, but the gist is this: at some point every action hero does a humiliating project that plays off their extreme masculinity by putting them in a dress or giving them an entire brood of kids to babysit or by getting them pregnant or etc.

Junior is the ultimate feminist equality dream given life in the form of a ridiculous, ill-conceived "comedy" that inexplicably earned $108 million worldwide at the box office. 

If I had to guess, much of that box office intake came from legions of delirious housewives, who marched to theaters to bask in the hilarious spectacle of a muscle-bound, alpha male finally being able to relate to the statement: "you don't know how it feels!!!!" 

You could even consider my guess to be an educated one considering I remember my grandmother rounding up a posse of women to see Junior and then standing on her pulpit and raving about the hilarity of a man having to deal with mood swings, exotic cravings, cramps, and morning sickness. "Every woman should see this," I remember her saying. I can just picture her in the audience, wildly pointing at the screen and choking out the words, "so true, so true" between hearty guffaws. 

She expressed her disappointment that men couldn't actually get pregnant and dismissed the entire male population as "sons 'a bitches," not realizing that she was also cutting down her entire gender in the process.

In Junior, Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Dr. Alex Hesse, a fertility doctor who has developed a drug called "Expectane" - a drug that is supposed to reduce the chances of a woman's body rejecting an implanted embryo thereby increasing her chances of getting pregnant.

Hesse's partner in this endeavor is Dr. Larry Arbogast, a gynecologist played by Danny DeVito. I know what you're thinking. Bringing in Arnold's old co-star from the movie Twins, a movie also dealing with scientists messing around with the reproductive processes, was a stroke of genius, right? The sight of the manly man, Arnold Schwarzenegger standing next to that Oompa Loompa, Danny DeVito is LOL-worthy as it is, but add to the fact that Arnold is PREGNANT and you have a recipe for a spleen-ripping, laughter-induced coma. Sarcasm, friends. Sarcasm.

The movie begins with a groan-worthy dream sequence, in which Hesse (Schwarzenegger) finds a baby in an otherwise deserted library. He picks up the baby while uttering this Hemmingway-esque dialogue: "There's a baby here! There must a mother!" The baby promptly pees all over the place and the hilarity fucking ensues.

At any rate, when the funding for Expectane is cut, Arbogast has the bright idea to implant Hesse with an embryo and have him take Expectane. The thinking is that if the product will get a man pregant, naturally companies will be lining up to bid on the drug because it would certainly get women pregnant.

After a certain point Hesse discovers that he is extremely happy being pregnant and wants to carry the baby to term. Arbogast reluctantly agrees to Hesse's choice and Hesse becomes a domestic housewife. Imagine the issues that baby will have when she grows up. 

If you're looking for more plot details, you're out of luck. Sure, Junior has a story and a plot, but it is threadbare. Junior is more of a premise film and I'm sure that's how it was pitched to the studios. The crux of the movie is the "joke" of a pregnant man and all of the wacky misadventures that revolve around that one idea. Haha, Arnold just said "My nipples are very sensitive." It's funny because he can bench press a Buick, but he's preggers so his nipples are sore. That's some Grade-A comedy.

Has Some Part of My Pop Cultural Soul Been Saved by Seeing This Movie?

The world is full of talented and creative people with original, groundbreaking ideas that never really get the chance to have their voice heard. 

And, yet, films like Junior continue to get made. 

Although, I'm not sure what's worse: the fact that these movies get made in the first place, the people that shelled out the cash to see it in theaters, or me, who sat there and wasted his time watching this through Netflix instant streaming. 

There is one genuinely horrifying part of Junior, one that makes Arnold's recent personal troubles all the more poignant - not so much for Schwarzenegger, but for the illegitimate child he (allegedly) fathered. At one point, Hesse has another baby-related nightmare, in which he's holding a baby. As the camera pans closer, you can see, through the magic of special effects, a computer-generated likeness of Arnold's face on the baby's body. What a disgusting and creepy abomination! If there is a God in heaven, any child sired by Schwarzenegger will be spared the indignity of resembling the Governator.

As far as this movie is concerned, it is probably in the Top 5 worst movies that I have ever seen. Like I said, it's 109 minutes of one broad comedy joke. Even that one joke - a pregnant man - isn't even that funny. It's more disturbing than anything. 

I was 13 when Junior was released and. although I was weirded out by the entire concept, I was also extremely curious as to hows and whys of how the movie even worked. How did he get pregnant? Why did he get pregnant? What orifice would the baby squeeze through in order to be born? Now, 17 years later, God help me, I know the answers to all those nagging queries. 

By the way, my mind was equally blown a few years ago when I heard about the man in real life who had gotten pregnant. My first response was "That's like Junior!" because my mind naturally gravitates toward pop culture followed by the questions that I had just expressed in the paragraph above. Turns out man in the pregnant man should be "man", depending on your view of things. Dude used to be a woman / still is, whatever. Long story short, that citizen has female plumbing and is capable of carrying children. Always great when pop culture carries over into real life.

Saved or Failed? FAILED

Film Count: 2,074 when last we met. +It's Kind of a Funny Story, + All About the Benjamins. + The Green Hornet, + Fast Five, + The Happening, +Due Date, + Chloe, +Thor, +Sunshing Cleaning, + Angus, + Harolld and Maude, + Knight and Day, + Jackie Brown, + Water World, + Jordan Rides the Bus, + Invasion of the Body Snatchers, + The House That Steinbrenner Built, + The Dilemma, +The King's Speech = 2,093 films that I have seen in my lifetime.

I promised you a review of Avatar...where did it go? You'll find out. Some big news in the next few months about this column, if all the stars properly align.

Next time: We take a trip back down the nostalgia highway and revisit The Wizard starring Fred Savage.

f you have seen Junior, your achievement badge is below. Create a folder on your facebook page titled "Film Geek" and save the image to that folder. You'll be able to track you progress and show the world how geeky you really are. the world how geeky you really are.

Like us on Facebook!!!!

- RFP

by RFP

"The Quest to Purify My Pop Culture Soul" is RFP's attempt to finally see all of the movies that he's wanted to see. Many of these are some of the most successful films in Hollywood. Chances are, you've seen most of these. Join in the discussion as RFP stops procrastinating and takes the time to experience these movies for the first time.

The Quest to Purify My Pop Culture Soul, vol. 18 

Angus

starring Charlie Talbert, James Van Der Beek, Kathy Bates, George C. Scott

Angus is a perfect slice of mid-'90s pop culture, served up with a perfect mix of why-me angst and the sarcastic, hyper-intelligent musings and yearnings of a teenage outcast. 

Within the teen comedy genre, there are usually two different quests that the main teenage protagonist embarks on.

1. The quest to get laid.

2. The quest to win the heart of the most popular girl in school.

Angus, the titular character, is concerned with the latter option, in this case, the unobtainable cheerleader that he has loved his entire life, Melissa Lefever. The problem is that Angus has never worked up the courage to say a single word to Melissa, a plight that is subtly reflected in the film by Melissa's complete lack of lines until near the end of the film. For the most part, she remains the silent, unapproachable goddess of Angus' dreams. 

While Angus has the stereotypical qualities of the fictional high school underdog  - he's shy, fat, has a weird best friend, and is bullied by the jocks - he also possesses qualities that represent a refreshing change for a relatively stale movie genre.

Angus, while fat, has also been bigger and stronger than his peers for his entire life. He's a good football player and virtually immovable on the line. In an even better twist, Angus has never taken any crap from his main rival, Rick Sanford (Before James Van Der Beek was the star quarterback for the West Canaan Coyotes, he was the star quarterback for the Lake Michigan High Huskies). In fact, he's given Sanford a broken nose three times in his life.

Angus spends most of his time shaking his meaty fist at whatever cruel god has condemned to a sexless life filled with relentless sweating and a wiry ginger for a best friend who would one day become The Sherminator in American Pie.

Because Angus is a mid-'90s fictional construct, his futile lamentations about his non-existent social status are accompanied by the horrific riffs and strained, whiskey voices of generic alternative rock bands. The existential depression that one feels while taking stock of one's life can only be made worse by the song stylings of Goo Goo Dolls playing overhead.

Rick Sanford, whose grudge against Angus probably stems from the fact that the fat kid has given him a broken nose three time and, probably, a deviated septum, decides the best way to humiliate Angus is to have him voted the king to Melissa's queen at the upcoming school dance. 

It seems this devious bastard believes that Angus doesn't know how to dance and, thus, will make a fool out of himself during the king/queen dance. Oh, that evil son of a bitch.

What follows is a betrayal, a loss, a teary-eyed declaration of "you don't know how it feels", an impassioned speech that means everything in a movie, but would not even register in real life, and dreams coming true. 

This is also the film whose soundtrack the pretty great (and pretty popular) Green Day track, "J.A.R." So that's a thing.

I feel I should also draw attention to the fact that the movie poster (and every single poster I've seen promoting Angus) boldly advertises that the film is "From the producers of Cool Runnings", Not sure how that would be a huge selling point for the general public to go see a movie, considering Cool Runnings is, you know, Cool Runnings, but I digress. I guess Cool Runnings was extremely popular for it's time considering I was forced to watch it around 12 times in elementary school whenever the teachers didn't feel like teaching.

Has Some Part of My Pop Cultural Soul Been Saved by Seeing This Movie?

I was a bit hard on the movie, but I actually liked it quite a bit. That's not surprising because I am a huge fan of the teen comedy genre. It's not actually required viewing, but it's a film that was obsessively watched by a number of my classmates in junior high and the ensuing high school years. 

As mentioned before, Angus isn't  a typical loser-outcast-pining-for-the-girl character. His sarcastic bantering with his grandfather is an entertaining part of the movie as is their shared creed: "Screw 'Em". 

The message to be yourself, no matter what other people think is a well tread theme in movies of this type. See also: beauty is skin deep, you can't judge a book by it's etc. There all represented here. 

Kathy Bates is also in this movie, portraying Angus' single mother. She stands around and doesn't do much. Or maybe she does.

Honestly, my brain dies a little and I see nothing but white whenever she came on the screen. My consciousness still hasn't recovered from seeing her completely naked in About Schmidt .

Saved or Failed? SAVED

Film Count: Well. It's been awhile. When last we met the count was 2,038. Instead of listing every flick I've seen in the ensuing downtime, let's just say that the count is at 2,074 films that I have seen in my lifetime.

Later this week, we get back to a flick that was supposed to be the next installment in this series: Avatar

Like us on Facebook!

Read past installments of "The Quest" here!

If you have seen Angus, your achievement badge is below. Create a folder on your facebook page titled "Film Geek" and save the image to that folder. You'll be able to track you progress and show the world how geeky you really are. the world how geeky you really are.

- RFP

by RFP

'Demolition Man' - The Quest To Purify Pop Culture Soul, vol. 17

starring Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Dennis Leary, Rob Schneider

In the distant dystopian future of 1996 Los Angeles, America's most ruthless criminals are not put to death. They are not locked away in a jail cell for life. 

In Demolition Man's 1996 Los Angeles, they go the way of Walt Disney and Ted Williams - cryogenically frozen for a predetermined amount of time. Essentially, they are given a time-out and given behavior modification implants (they're pumped full of happy thoughts) while they "sleep" in order to rehabilitate them.

Is this really a punishment? 

Sure, you're frozen for 50 years. But you come out looking like you did the day you were put in deep freeze and, in your mind, it feels like no time has passed at all. You're family and friends may be gone, but if you used to be a murderer or rapist, you probably didn't have much of either in the first place.

John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone) is an officer who always gets his man, no matter what property damage is incurred. His peers call him The Demolition Man for this reason. He also looks like a GI Joe, but that's neither here nor there.

While trying to capture elusive drug dealer, Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes), Spartan accidentally destroys an entire warehouse filled with hostages.

He is charged with involuntary manslaughter and sentenced to serve the same amount of time as Phoenix in "cryostasis".

Really? A decorated police officer who has saved countless lives and put away numerous dangerous felons serves the same amount of time as a known murderer and major drug dealer?

I shouldn't mock the methods of 1996 Los Angeles. After all, the city (renamed "San Angeles") becomes a peaceful, virtually crime-free utopia - until August 3, 2032 when Simon Phoenix escapes his probation hearing and begins slaughtering his way through San Angeles.

You see, the police in 2032 are not equipped for dealing with any real crime. Anything bad is considered illegal. Using curse words or coarse language results in a fine, which would pretty much mean my fucking bank account would be in the fucking red most of the time.

Police use the power of verbal assertiveness and stern facial expressions instead of weapons to fight crime.

So when the first murder since September 25, 2010 occurs (that was last year. I remember it well. What a black day.), the decision is made to thaw out the only man to ever bring Phoenix down - John "the Demolition Man" Spartan.

Lieutenant Lenina Huxley (a very cute Sandra Bullock. As if there's any other type of Sandra Bullock) is paired with Spartan because she is addicted to 20th century culture. She surrounds herself with 20th century memorabilia and yearns for some excitement.

Spartan finds himself in a completely foreign world. Taco Bell has won the Franchise Wars, which must have been fought and decided in 1999 when I ate nothing but Taco Bell every day for three months. 

Demolition Man is less a movie and more a prophecy of things to come. The throwaway joke of President Schwarzenegger running America takes on a different meeting in 2011 as The Governator ends his term as governor of Cal-E-Four-Nyah. This joke was referenced again last year in another Stallone flick, The Expendables. In a scene dripping with '80s machismo, Stallone shares a scene with Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis and says that Arnold's character "acts like he's president," a joke that went over my head, but that the rest of the theater thought was hilarious.

But the biggest change to hit the future is the one that rocks John Spartan the most. When the young Lenina becomes smitten with the Demolition Man in a mix of blind hero worship and wide-eyed awe at a historical artifact from her favorite time in history, Spartan learns that sex isn't the same as it used to be.

Gone is that pesky and disgusting physical contact. Instead, you hook up to a machine and imagine you have intercourse with the person across from you. Thanks, future. But I do that every day. It's called a computer, the internet, and all the time in the world.

Naturally, Spartan is outraged by this lack of getting some and lets his feelings be known with a hilarious bit of '90s specific dialogue that only Stallone could deliver properly as he schools Lenina in the art of old man sex slang. "Boning, the wild mamba, the hunka junka," indeed.

Maybe that isn't the biggest shock to Spartan's system, after all. Maybe it's the fact that sea shells have replaced the use of toilet paper in the future and Spartan has no idea how to wipe with them. 

Part of Demolition Man's fun comes from Wesley Snipes' over the top portrayal of Simon Phoenix. In this movie, Snipes channels a mix of the characteristics that he would later use as Blade, Dennis Rodman, and a bit of the Sidney Deane's cockiness (Wesley's character from White Men Can't Jump).

Has Some Part of My Pop Cultural Soul Been Saved by Seeing This Movie? Yes. It was a fun little movie with a decent idea behind it. According to that wealth of knowledge, wikipedia, the role of Simon Phoenix was originally offered to Jackie Chan and not Wesley Snipes. What a different sort of movie that would have been. Part of me would still like to see Jackie Chan and Sylvester Stallone mix it up onscreen. There's always The Expendables 2, right?

Saved or Failed? Saved

FILM COUNT: 2,032 after last time we met.

+ Demoliton Man, + Avatar, + Just Go With It, + Let Me In, + Inception, + Dinner For Schmucks = 2,038 movies that I have seen in my lifetime.

Next Friday: Avatar

If you have seen Demolition Man, your achievement badge is below. Create a folder on your facebook page titled "Film Geek" and save the image to that folder. You'll be able to track you progress and show the world how geeky you really are. the world how geeky you really are.

Next Friday: Avatar

by RFP

The Quest to Purify My Pop Culture Soul, Vol. 15

City of Angels

starring Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan

Not too long ago, Paulie Walnuts and I got into a long argument about Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (verdict: I love it, Walnuts: Not so much). One of his main points was that there was no reason that Scott Pilgrim should love Ramona Flowers, let alone engage in all these epic battles and literally risk his life for the right to date her, because there was nothing interesting about her and not much was revealed about her character other than she had 7 angry exes (I didn't agree with him in regards to this movie, but that's a debate for another time).

My response was that movies had been doing this for years, especially romantic comedies. It is a very rare occurrence that a movie establishes a potential love interest's personality in such a way that it makes that person seem worthy of pursuit. In most cases, the audience just accepts any movie love connection because:

a) it's part of the plot of the film

b) some element of a love storyline is present in any traditional fictional movie, so it is expected that the viewer will encounter such a scenario.

c) the majority of the world doesn't obsess over every plot element of Random Movie Z like many on the internet and, thus, no effort is made or even needed on the part of the filmmakers to make such fictional relationships believable.

Honestly, though, should every movie relationship captured on film be explored in such exhausting detail as to prove without a doubt that these characters are absolutely perfect together? Well, no. Because then there would be no time for plot or story. 

And, also, look at your life and all the people that you know. I bet there are more than a few that are in relationships that you don't completely understand. How many times have you said, "what does s/he see in him/her?" Sometimes people fall in love for no apparent reason. So do movie characters.

If you were to overanalyze a movie like "City of Angels" for example, you would go insane. There is no attempt to establish why Nicholas Cage's Seth falls for Meg Ryan's Maggie other than she looks in his general direction one day. There's not a lot of character development with Maggie. She's a surgeon. She has a dog. She rides a bike to work. She's fooling around with a fellow doctor.

That lack of character development is completely on purpose. There's no conceivable way that a character could be fleshed out enough in a two hour time span as to make an angel give up immortality, supernatural abilities, hearing music in every sunrise, and, oh yeah, HEAVEN just to get laid.

As far as popular fictional angels go, Seth is somewhat like Michael (John Travolta) in appearance (but without wings), but nothing like Christopher Lloyd in Angels in the Outfield. There's no need to wave your arms around like a fool. Rest assured, Seth is probably already lurking around in the shadows. He shares more with Death (Brad Pitt) in Meet Joe Black than anything. A supernatural being who yearns to touch and feel love and etc.

If Nicholas Cage's soon-to-be fallen angel, Seth, were a real person, he would be that creeper who checks your facebook page every two hours in order to obsess over every status update so he can pretend to know you. 

Seth plays the role of a voyeur for the first half of the movie, essentially stalking Maggie everywhere she goes. As she has a nervous breakdown in a stairwell after losing a patient, Seth stoops down and gets right in her face as Maggie bawls her eyes out.

Creepy, Sweet, or Heart-warming?

Seth eventually decides to show himself to Maggie, instantly making an impression by being mysterious and enigmatic. He pops up now and then and the two start a tentative courtship.

How will it turn out? One is supernatural and immortal, the other is human and ordinary. One escorts souls to heaven, the other tries to escort people to life.

Ah, but Seth meets a former angel in the hospital, one of Maggie's patients. Seems there's a loophole in the angel contract: like all human beings, angels also possess free will.

As the Seth's secret is revealed to Maggie, she dismisses angels in a horribly written and horribly acted line: "I cannot conceive of it" before storming away.

Since this is a vacuous romantic drama aimed at middle-aged housewives with asexual haircuts, naturally Seth decides to give up his angelic heritage to become a slovenly human with thinning hair who looks suspiciously like Nicholas Cage so that he can be with his soulmate (do angels have souls? do fallen angels have souls?)

*Spoiler alert for a 12 year old movie*

Seth gets to enjoy being human with his lady love for, like, ten minutes until the tragic, ironic tear-jerking twist. 

In one of the most ridiculous deaths I have ever seen (see also: Meet Joe Black - Brad Pitt getting creamed by one car, does a flip in mid-air right into another one), Maggie is riding her BICYCLE when a huge semi-truck hauling logs pulls out of a driveway or something and she runs right into it.

Now, listen: 

1. She's riding a BICYCLE

2. BICYCLES have brakes.

3. Brakes on bicycles tend to stop bicycles from moving rather effectively.

4. Most people, when pedaling a bicycle, move at an astounding rate of 5-10 mph. 

5. That's not very fast.

6. I'm just saying. She could've stopped in time.

7. Or jumped off. Bruises are better than death, most times.

8. A semi hauling logs? Overkill, right? A regular car would've worked, I think

Seth has to deal with the fact that he basically gave up immortality for nothing, but decides that the brief moments that he spent with Maggie were worth it. The chance to touch and feel is worth giving up Heaven. As Seth plunges into the ocean during a sunrise, a joyous smile on his face, his former best angel friend, Casio (like the keyboard, I guess) laughs his approval and it becomes clear that City of Angels is a love story.

But it isn't a love story as in romantic love for another person, it's a love story for living...the love of life and everything that comes with it.

Has Some Part of My Pop Cultural Soul Been Saved by Seeing This Movie? yeah, no...I could have done without this. Really not that great. Wasn't expecting great and my expectations were met. 

As mentioned during my article on Armageddon, City of Angels also features a song that has outlasted the original medium that birthed it. "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls is without a doubt their biggest hit and by no means my favorite song that they have written ("Long Way Down"), but it is one of those tunes that will be haunting radio stations for decades. 

Since we're on the subject of music...did they really have to include Sarah Mclachlan's "In the Arms of an Angel" in the movie? It's a bit obvious and actually made me roll my eyes. It also made me want to donate large sums of money to sick children in third world countries. 

Kinda upset that Seth didn't take Maggie out on a date to a diner, where she fakes an orgasm and an old lady sitting nearby declares in a sassy tone, "I'll have what she's having."

After this film, Nicholas Cage switches from Heaven to Hell, starring in Ghost Rider, the story of a man selling his soul to Satan, and the soon-to-be released, Drive Angry, the story of a man escaping Hell to take some vengeance and, by the looks of it, a Ghost Rider rip-off.

Saved or Failed? Failed

FILM COUNT: 2,028 after last time we met.

+ City of Angels = 2,029 movies that I have seen in my lifetime.

Next Friday: The Blues Brothers 

Check back Wednesday, too. There may be something. Or not. Who Knows?

If you have seen City of Angels, your achievement badge is below. Create a folder on your facebook page titled "Film Geek" and save the image to that folder. You'll be able to track you progress and show the world how geeky you really are. the world how geeky you really are.

Can a successful analysis of Lethal Weapon be completed without drawing the extremely obvious parallel between the real-life, sudden insanity of Mel Gibson and the manic-depressive, psychopath that Gibson plays in the popular buddy cop series?

Um. Probably not.

Nonetheless, I plan on ignoring the fact that Mel Gibson has transformed into a hilarious caricature and instead concentrate on the movie at hand. The fact that Mel likes to engage in lengthy, ridiculous rants with his ex girlfriends and star in movies featuring beaver puppets should not tarnish the memory of Lethal Weapon.

For the record, I also plan on ignoring the fact that Gary Busey, who plays one of the main bad guys, the unfortunately named Mr. Joshua, is also batshit crazy. That may be because of his motorcycle accident. Or is it a fictional curse that I shall make up right now....the Lethal Weapon curse. All who starred in the movie shall become unreasonably insane. Watch out, Danny Glover. 

The central gimmick of every buddy cop movie ever made is that the two main characters must be so completely different that they probably have no business working together and, under any other circumstances, would never be friends outside of their occupation.

That fact is driven home right at front. Danny Glover's Sgt. Roger Murtaugh is shown taken a bath at home, when he is rudely interrupted by his wife kids, enthusiastically wishing him a happy birthday. He lives in a beautiful home, with a brand new addition being worked on, in a quiet neighborhood.

In contrast, Mel Gibson's Sgt. Martin Riggs wakes up alone, his only companion a dog and the warm beer he chugs for breakfast. He lives in a trailer on the beach, away from everyone. Riggs' wife was recently killed in an accident leaving him broken and suicidal as shown during his death march up to confront a sniper. 

There you have it. Murtaugh = Loving, family man and by-the-book officer. Riggs = Loose Cannon, unstable. The only thing the men have in common: they're pretty great officers, albeit in their own unique ways.

Riggs and Murtaugh's relationship is established right at the beginning of their partnership.  Murtaugh is lamenting is lousy luck being stuck with such an undesirable partner, leading to this dialogue.

Murtaugh: God hates me. That's what it is.

Riggs: Hate him back; it works for me.

It's a great little character-building exchange and one that makes this series of movies work. No one really cares about the action in these particular movies; they care about how the characters react to the action around them. It should also be said that the characters wouldn't matter at all, if Mel Gibson and Danny Glover didn't have such a likable chemistry together. 

Every few years, a new franchise copying the Lethal Weapon formula pops up, looking to achieve the same sort of success. Some of them succeed ("Rush Hour") and some fall miserably short ("Hollywood Homicide" starring Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett, "Cop Out" starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan). 

Recent news suggests that Warner Bros is considering rebooting the franchise because that's how Hollywood rolls these days. The last installment appeared in 1998, so obviously Lethal Weapon has completely disappeared from the world's collective mind. Regardless, if this remake does happen, the actors involved will have a hard time filling the well established shoes of Riggs and Murtaugh.

Has Some Part of My Pop Cultural Soul Been Saved? Hell yeah. I probably enjoyed Lethal Weapon way more than I should have. I was so enamored that I watched the second and third installments the next day.

Saved or Failed? SAVED

FILM COUNT: 2,013 after last time we met.

+ How Do You Know, + True Grit, + Lethal Weapon, + Lethal Weapon 2, + Lethal Weapon 3, + Blood Into Wine, + Superman/Batman: Apocalypse, + Surburbia, + Don't You Forget About Me, + Little Fockers = 2,023 movies that I have seen in my lifetime.

Blame a mix of laziness and a busy personal life for a lack of updates this month. You can also look at the debut of our award-winning (not really) podcast as adding to the lack of free time. To make up for it, there's going to be 3 installments of The Quest this week. Next one is Wednesday. We revisit "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure"

If you have seen Lethal Weapon your achievement badge is below. Create a folder on your facebook page titled "Film Geek" and save the image to that folder. You'll be able to track you progress and show the world how geeky you really are. the world how geeky you really are.