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One Of These Things is Not Like the Other: David Bowie vs. Lady Gaga

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on June 12, 2011 at 8:14 PM Comments comments (7)


by Josh



Recently, an old friend of mine and I had a discussion regarding Lady Gaga. She, being one who is a member of the more…alternative styles of living, loves her completely. “Born This Way” is her anthem, and Gaga’s lifestyle, in her eyes, seems to be rivaled only by more recent women who act as they will, a la Bjork.







In our conversation, however, she told me that Lady Gaga is this generation’s David Bowie. And I guess this whole tilted article is my response to THE WORLD.







As you may know, David Bowie is a rock legend. He’s been around since the late 60s, found success in “Space Oddity”, and never looked back. He’s also had many alter egos/rock personas, like Ziggy Stardust, Halloween Jack, The Thin White Duke, and all of them have been sexually and musically ambiguous. Lady Gaga is also sexually ambiguous, and likes to play dress-up with eggs and meat. She’s been shattering records left and right with speed of sale, as well as finding a special niche in the alternative crowds.



One of these things is not like the other.












Both of these artists, at their peak, depended solely on the nature of glam rock in order to spread word of mouth. The major difference here is that Mr. Bowie was a pioneer. He rose during an age of rock where The Beatles were beginning to crumble, and the dominant forces at work were The Rolling Stones, disco, and eventually other soulful renditions of rock n’ roll. Bowie jumped head-first into the sexpot and brought taboo out as a weapon. He created a cult of both devout listeners and personality with each new rendition of himself. In addition, he detached himself from each persona; Bowie was separate from Ziggy was separate from Duke from Jack. Like a metamorphosing butterfly that kept on gaining new bodies and wings, Bowie continually refreshed pop AND rock as we know it today. Not only that, but when Bowie came out as bisexual in 1972 to the public, he later made remarks throughout his career that this declaration was a mistake, largely due to the fact that it took away from his music in a sense and that he was a singer/songwriter before he placed himself in a sexual identity.








Today, Lady Gaga is completely dependent on her allegedly bisexuality in order to sell records. When one listens to her music, you can’t deny that it’s targeting a specific audience. It’s funny, because Gaga claimed in an interview to be the “least judgmental person on Earth”. I would argue that it works only one way. Today, the popular thing isn’t veganism, emo or anything from the previous decade. The popular thing is to be sexually ambiguous. When she arrived on the popularity track, which was as sudden as it was all-encompassing, she already brought a cult following in Haus of Gaga, already made statements for the GLTB community, and slammed it down our throats with catchy beats. As opposed to Bowie letting the tree grow, Gaga brought a tree from her backyard and threw it in the middle of the street. Sounds like a challenge to people who are content with tradition.







I would argue that art of any nature is all about subtlety. Bowie is still critically acclaimed for his ambiguous undertones because he didn’t make any all-encompassing statements about the nature of his work. He just went onstage, got into his personas and characters, and let the final product speak for itself. Lady Gaga, however, postures with her egg palanquins and bubble dresses, all the while making declarative statements about her work and herself. “I've got so many gay fans and they're so loyal to me and they really lifted me up. They'll always stand by me and I'll always stand by them.” “The fact that I'm into women, they're all intimidated by it. It makes them uncomfortable. They're like, 'I don't need to have a threesome. I'm happy with just you.” All of these quotes are from interviews of her. She’s laughing all the way to the bank. But I digress. 



And besides, do you think anyone’s going to look back at “Born This Way” and go, “Wow! What a song! This changed my life and defined an era!” Hell no; “Fame”, “Space Oddity”, “China Girl”, “Golden Years”, “Little Wonder”, my personal favorite “As The World Falls Down”, and oh so much more stand the test of time with no accusations of plagiarism from Madonna or Christina Aguilera. And let’s not forget that it was Bowie, not Nirvana, who originally wrote and performed “The Man Who Sold the World”. He has roughly as much dominance on today’s radiowaves as The Beatles, The Stones, Steve Miller Band, Creed, Phil Collins...and what does Lady Gaga have? Bad romance? Poker faces? You don’t hear Poker Face anymore. And one could argue that she simply hasn’t been around as long as Mr. Bowie, but that’s fine. She won’t be around for much longer anyway; another crazy pop icon will dethrone her, and the rest of the world will not miss her. Besides, pop already has their court filled: Michael Jackson, Madonna, Britney Spears, and of course, David Bowie himself.



tl;dr Bowie just goes out there and does it, Lady Gaga is an attention whore, blah blah blah.



Thanks for reading.


~Josh

One of These Things is Not like the Other: Michael Cera vs. Jesse Eisenberg

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on December 13, 2010 at 8:10 PM Comments comments (2)
by Josh

All rise for the judge.

I remember watching an episode of Family Guy, where Ricky Martin is finishing a concert and goes backstage. After a couple seconds of applying makeup and a skirt (?), he resumes the stage as Jewel. Lately, I’m noticing that history doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme. The same holds true in actors, but I’m noticing that repetition is selling movie tickets and merchandise.

I’m not sure if it’s just my age or the fact that I’m riding on euphoria in getting in this blog with my Scott Pilgrim obsession, but I’m following it up with a movie that seems to have defined a growing number of college students lives (especially if you’re a member of the Disney Internship program, according to my brother.)

Actually, never mind that. I almost went into a review of Adventureland.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like Jesse Eisenberg has been challenging Michael Cera as the nerdy, awkward white boy that finds himself in extraordinary situations. Let’s run down the list:

Michael Cera had Superbad, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist (which is threatening to enter my Top 10 Worst Movie list), Juno, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (insert gushing smile here), and the TV series Arrested Development, to name a few of his works. Plus, he’s Canadian (I’m part Canadian myself, you see).



Jesse Eisenberg had Get Real, Adventureland, Zombieland, The Social Network, and I hear Zombieland 2 is in the works.



One of these things is not like the other.

How are they similar? According to Wikipedia, they both started a presence in cinema in 1999, presumably when they were kids. They also tend to play THE SAME ROLE in every major movie they have done. Again, revisiting the nerd issue: scrawny guys in meaty situations. Both Cera and Eisenberg get the hot mess of a girl in nearly every high-budget movie they’re in. Parties are always involved. Perhaps these two are the new idols teenagers can look up to. 

Or are they? An argument I hear all the time in my house is that the “liberals” that wanna “turn this country into Russia” are old enough to solidify power in our federal government. Ignoring the Glenn Beck statements, there’s a very valid point here. Maybe us video game dreamers are old enough to make movies with such characters and find an audience. 
But differences? Oh, the differences.

Eisenberg’s acting style seems to be much more grounded that Cera. Cera has gained a reputation for being a tad bit whimsical in his characters, and a little too…I hate to say intellectual, but he plays characters that seem high on themselves all the time due to obscure knowledge and indie cred. Think of Scott Pilgrim, where he kind of acts like an asshole to Ramona during the 4th Evil Ex section of the movie. Think of Juno, where he remains pretty far under the radar while Juno’s belly grows. Nick and Norah is a cesspool of indie bands and city knowledge.



Plus, Eisenberg has the distinction of working with Woody Harrelson, one of my favorite actors of all time. This wins points in my mind. He also seems to take a more grounded approach to his characters. I liken it to this concept: while Michael Cera is floating around the room, Jesse is stalking the grounds. Overcast versus intensity. Earth versus Air. 
I must admit that I have not watched The Social Network yet, which gives Eisenberg less room for flops. But we’ll see what happens over the next few years, I suppose. I expected Cera to fade out after Superbad as a one-hit wonder, and here he is slaying Evil Exes and such. Eisenberg doesn’t have any bad movies because he has barely been in any yet. 



What’s your opinion?

Now ponder this, because I’m going to hide from the academic police for using Wikipedia as a source AND not citing it. See? I’m a rebel after all. If this becomes a fun topic, I may consider doing a comparison of two people that I’m positive have the same parent, Zooey

Deschanel and Katy Perry. 

Fingers crossed!

-Josh

DIg This? Then you might dig this related material...

Family Guy/Bones Crossovers - One of these things is not like the other

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on December 12, 2010 at 12:21 PM Comments comments (1)

by RFP


In the promos for tonight's Christmas episode of "Family Guy", Stewie and Brian are shown on a snowmobile, sliding towards Santa's workshop at the North Pole.


Stewie looks up at the sky and makes a funny little pun, "Look, it's the Aurora Boreanez." Hanging there in the sky is David Boreanez, the star of Fox's anthropological detective show, Bones, surrounded by a green halo of light.




It's a fun little joke and a nice little piece of cross-promotion. More importantly, it doesn't feel like it's out of place in Family Guy at all. It's the type of gag that the show does on a regular basis.


You know what would seem out of place? If Stewie Griffin appeared on Bones.


That's exactly what happened in May 2009. This is what is called "shameless cross promotion" as Stewie was widely hyped in the promos for that show and numerous magazines and online forums. No doubt Fox was counting on the ratings bump by Family Guy fans and other new viewers who were attracted by the publicity and were curious to see how this potential train wreck would work itself out.


Obviously, the plot of the show needed a viable reason for an animated figure to come walking across the screen. In that episode, the title character, Bones, asks Boreanez's character, Booth, to be the father a child with her. Biological clocks ticking and all that.


The stress from that question and a brain tumor lodged in Booth's head naturally manifested in the form of Stewie Griffin.


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I guess it's only a matter of time before Cleveland Brown of "The Cleveland Show" is shoehorned on an episode of "Glee". Probably some horrible and borderline offensive choral arrangement of "Ebony and Ivory".





-RFP



For other shameless bits of cross promotions, click the links!


Superman vs. Muhammad Ali


Robocop Wrestles!


Chucky from Child's Play harasses wrestler, Rick Steiner.

Chucky vs. Rick Steiner

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on October 6, 2010 at 6:18 PM Comments comments (0)

by RFP


We've talked about how movie studios like to use professional wrestling to promote their product. What we have here is something keeping with our Halloween theme, but no less ridiculous than Robocop "wrestling" with Sting.


Around the time that Bride of Chucky, a continuation of the Child's Play series of horror films, was due to be released in theaters, WCW wrestling was busy promoting its annual "Halloween Havoc" pay-per-view. 


Given the phony supernatural vibe given to the Halloween Havoc events, it was only natural that a small robotic puppet be brought in to terrify the audience with awkwardness.


Since, Chucky is a essentially a great special effect, obviously, he couldn't run out to the ring and wrestle Hollywood Hogan.  Instead, he appeared on the big screen interrupting "The Dog-Faced Gremlin" Rick Steiner's promo for an upcoming match.


Seeing Steiner try to interact with Chucky and tell him to "shut the heck up" is just about the saddest bit of cross promotion ever.


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Superman vs. Muhammad Ali

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on September 8, 2010 at 6:30 PM Comments comments (5)

by RFP


One of These Things is NOT Like the Other...


When I was growing up, Mike Tyson was the baddest mofo on the planet.


I had some pretty hip parents growing up. My parents watched MTV all day long, rented the biggest movie releases on VHS the day they came out, blasted hair metal driving down the road, and had subscriptions to every major premium channel. 




For whatever reason, they also happened to be fans of boxing. So, during Iron Mike's seven fight contract on HBO, I was there for every punch.  He was the most dominant boxer I have ever seen, which, honestly, isn't saying much. After Tyson's fall from grace and my parents crossing over from hip thirty somethings to conservative parents, seemingly overnight, resulting in the premium channels being canceled because they were "too expensive", I really didn't watch many more bouts.


I'm no expert, so maybe the "unbeatable" factor that sits squarely in my mind is the result of a wide-eyed boy watching this monster of a man punch the hell out of people and the constant hype surrounding him.


I mean, really, how unbeatable could he be? Little Mac whooped his ass with no problem.


I wonder what my parents' generation and the generation before them thought of Kid Dynamite. After all, they had the privilege of watching the legendary Muhammad Ali in action. Muhammad Ali seemed to be a walking event. Even win he lost, Ali still seemed like a winner.


After epic battles with George Foreman and Leon Spinks in the '70s, the only opponent left for Muhammad Ali to take on was...Superman.


Of course.




The story begins with Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olsen prowling an inner city neighborhood looking for Muhammad Ali. 


They find him schooling some kids in hoops. Lois asks him for an interview and an alien appears from nowhere. The alien (from the race Scrubbs. I'm not joking. Insert TLC joke here) declares humans as the most savage people in the galaxy and challenges Earth's greatest champion to take on their greatest champion.


Naturally, Superman and Ali start to bicker about which one of them is Earth's greatest champion. 


Ali pulls out the immigration card, saying that he is Earth's champion because Superman is from Krypton. Oh, how topical.


Superman whines, "C'mon, I'm a naturalized Earthman! I've been granted citizenship in every nation in the U.N.!"




After trying to destroy St. Louis, the alien tells Superman and Muhammad Ali that the two of them will box to determine who Earth's champ is and the winner will go on to fight the Scrubb champion. If they refuse, the alien and his armada will decimate the planet. 


Consequently, the battle will take place on the Scrubb home planet, which orbits a red sun. Nerds will tell you that the rays from a red sun can take away Superman's powers. 


Naturally, Ali starts to talk shit to Superman. "Box you? No, man, I'm not gonna box you...I'm gonna whup you"


Superman talks shit back, "You may be the greatest heavyweight who ever lived...but I'm Superman! I change the course of mighty rivers...bend steel in my bare hands...and that's just for openers."


What a pompous ass. I don't know if the goal of that speech was to get the reader to root for Ali to beat on the ultimate boyscout, but that's the effect it had on me.


Ali trains Superman in "the sweet science" (aka boxing) and then are transported to the alien planet to fight.


What happens?


Superman gets his ass handed to him.




By the end of the story, Muhammad Ali has beat Superman almost to death, defeated the super strong alien champion in a boxing match, and deduced Superman's secret identity.


Yes, where Lois Lane has been blissfully unaware for countless years, Ali put two and two together within minutes of meeting both Clark Kent and Superman.


The debate now remains. Since Ali beat Superman and Joe Frazier beat Ali, could Joe Frazier beat Superman in a boxing match? Or, if you want to get even dorkier (if that's possible), could Rocky beat Superman in a boxing match? Hmmm. Discuss.


Apparently, DC comics plans to release a hardcover reprint of the "classic" match-up sometime this fall. So save your pennies.



For more Mike Tyson: "Mike Tyson's Interview" by Beerwad

Robocop Wrestles

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on September 3, 2010 at 8:22 PM Comments comments (3)

by RFP


Every now and then, two very different pieces of pop culture crossover in an attempt to engage new audiences. These crossovers are sometimes successful, mostly horrible, but always interesting. Welcome to the place that attempts to chronicle these moments in a feature we like to call...One of These Things Is Not Like The Other.


Professional wrestling has always held a particular sway over mainstream pop culture. The scripted exploits of heavily muscled, Crisco-coated men has always been a curiosity to athletes, musicians, TV personalities, and world famous movie stars. 


Over the years many of these celebrities have made appearances in the squared circle. Part of the appeal of appearing in a wrestling ring is probably genuine interest. The other part is the all important, much coveted 18-49 male demographic.


That demographic has caused many a film to partner up with professional wrestling in order to promote its product. This is one of those debacles.




The Background:


WCW wrestling, 1990. The promotion's main babyface (aka "good guy"), Sting, had been put out of action by the company's top heel stable (aka "group of bad guys"), The Four Horsemen.


On the April 15, 1990 edition of WCW Saturday Night, Sting cut a promo announcing his return at the very next pay-per-view event. Sting planned on taking revenge against the Horsemen, but he wasn't going to do it alone. He had a partner. ROBOCOP.


Seriously. You have to watch the promo below.


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Wrestling was so awesome in those days. Here was Robocop, a fictional movie character from a very bloody and violent 'R' rated film, coming to bash in the heads of Ric Flair, Ole and Arn Anderson, and Sid Vicious. 


The best part is Jim Cornette: "Is he a man? Is he a machine? What is he?"


Robocop made his "wrestling" debut at Capital Combat '90: Return of Robocop on May 19, 1990.


The match was going to be Sting and Robocop versus Arn Anderson, Ole Anderson (Daniel Tosh's favorite wrestler), and Sid Vicious (he of the Theisman-worthy leg break).


The announcer announces Robocop as follows: "The nation's #1 law enforcer, he serves the public trust, protects the innocent, upholds the law, the ultimate peace officer - Robocop!"


Sting came out first and promptly got locked in a cage by the Horsemen. After a minute, Robocop lumbers out, fumbles around with the cage door, eventually breaking it off. The Horsemen scatter, making vague threats.


And Robocop was never seen in wrestling again. Pretty lame. If Robocop was really going to show them who's boss, he would've pulled out the gun from the side of his leg and shot Sid and company in the head. 


If you don't believe me, the entire debacle is at the very bottom of this page. 


Why Robocop in May 1990? I can only assume it has do with the male demographic that I mentioned earlier. Robocop 2 was set to open June 22 and I guess the producers were hoping for a bump in box office gross from wrestling fans. 


Robocop 2 grossed $45 million. The Capital Combat PPV, according to the Wrestling Information Archive, has a buy rate of 1.4 where 1.0 = 400,000 homes. 


So 600,000 people in the US saw the event, which hardly seems like it would result in a major sales bump. Maybe the producers of Robocop 2 were hoping the publicity surrounding the pay-per-view would garner some buzz around the film.


At any rate, the PPV match is below followed by a commercial from Korea where Robocop is shilling fried chicken. Awesome.


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