Miserable Retail Slave

The Cure For The Case of Common Boredom

Blogs

« Back to Blogs

Excrement List: Oakland Raiders' Richard Seymour

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on November 23, 2010 at 7:23 PM Comments comments (0)
by Paulie Walnuts

You need Adobe Flash Player to view this content.


Richard Seymour. What are you doing? I mean, I know Ben Roethlisberger probably deserves to be punched, and in other circumstances I might back you up. But during a football game? When you know you’re gonna be fined for it? And a whole bunch of little kids who look up to you are watching?

And when the guy is wearing a helmet?! Yeah, that’s really good for your hand. And your image. Maybe that’s why they shipped you out of New England. Enjoy the mediocrity you’ll be forced to endure for 10 years as a member of the Raiders.

Or, as Chris Berman would say, “Da Raidaohglkgjaluers.”

Richard Seymour – you, sir, are excrement.

You need Adobe Flash Player to view this content.

THE EXCREMENT LIST: Paulie Wants The Jets To Eat A Goddamn Snack

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on September 28, 2010 at 7:45 PM Comments comments (3)

 

by Paulie Walnuts


Oh, Rex. Rex, Rex, Rex. How I hate you.




Remember when Vinny Testaverde, Curtis Martin, and Wayne Chrebet played for the New York Jets? Remember when the Jets were actually likeable?


When I think Jets, I think Joe Namath’s guarantee. I think Joe Namath running to the locker room after Super Bowl III, waving the “we’re number 1” finger in the air.




So, Rex Ryan, I’m waving a finger at you. Guess which one?


I despise the Jets. Rex Ryan is an ass. Mark Sanchez played for USC. Braylon Edwards is acting out like a ten year old. Darrelle Revis is a whiner. Shonn Greene is lazy.


I could go on and on.


This addition to my excrement list was initially reserved for Rex Ryan. He, quite obviously, gives fat people a bad name (most overweight people are actually nice, and some are quite attractive). Rex Ryan is nothing but a fat slob. With a bad attitude. However, after a lot of thinking, I’m including the whole franchise on this list.


What a bunch of undisciplined children. I hate ‘em. And you should too.

J-E-T-S - Jets, Jets, Jets! You are all…every last one of you…EXCREMENT.


-Walnuts


You need Adobe Flash Player to view this content.



 

Paulie Walnuts' Excrement List

Posted by Miserable Retail Slave on August 18, 2010 at 3:02 PM Comments comments (0)
Paulie Walnuts’ Excrement List

I’m Still Here: The Upcoming Documentary of Joaquin Phoenix’s Transition from Actor to Rapper


Yes. It’s true. As far as the media can tell, this is not a prank. There is a documentary coming out about Joaquin Phoenix.

Two years ago, the well-known and well-regarded actor retired from the silver screen. Apparently, as alluded to by the documentary’s title, Phoenix is not yet done with the spotlight.

Personally, I can’t stand blatant ploys for attention. The very idea of this documentary, directed by Casey Affleck, makes me cringe. I always thought Phoenix was a good actor, but I vehemently scoff at this move.

Now, to me, he’s nothing more than a male version of Lindsay Lohan.
First of all, Joaquin, you’re old. Second of all, you’re white. Third of all, you have a harelip.

No one cares. I’ve never heard him rap, and I don’t need to. In fact, I never want to. But, because this is such an odd occurrence, I’ll probably watch the documentary.

Check out the trailer. He has a beard of pubes. And an impressive beer gut.

Joaquin Phoenix, you sir are, for lack of a better term, excrement. Excrement, I say.


You need Adobe Flash Player to view this content.

Categories

Google +1 Button

Twitter Follow Button

Recent Blog Entries

Facebook Fanpage Box

Webs Counter

One Guy's Quest To Watch All The Movies You've Already Seen





The Bad, The Awful, The Ugly

We watch bad movies, so you don't have to.


This week: 'Phantoms'



Paulie Walnuts Says: SEE THIS MOVIE!