Miserable Retail Slave
The Cure For The Case of Common Boredom
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Lunch Box Has These Problems...
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by Lunchbox
01. My expenses exceed my income
02. My dead end job
03. The maturity level of the general public
04. The education level of the general public
05. Gas prices are too high
06. I went over on my phone bill
07. My car insurance was due 3 weeks ago
08. I’m addicted to the strip club
09. I’ve literally put 2 girls through college. For nothing more than blue balls and a couple grand
10. Alcohol is my new best friend
11. I’m broke
12. I can’t get no p*ssy
13. I am a little unconfident
14. I get paid on Thursday and I'm broke on Friday
15. My debt is through the roof
16. Women are bitches
17. Bitches are crazy
18. My ex left me to be single
19. I treated her like a princess and got pissed on
20. She showed me no sympathy
21. She broke my heart
22. She turned me into a selfish, hateful, arrogant asshole
23. She opened my flood gates to sex
24. Now I require it to function, all this sexual frustration
25. She is now in a fuck-buddy state of relationship
26. She is a bitch to me and my family
27. She blocked me on facebook
28. She dropped off my fan and it was covered with dog piss
29. I wasted hundreds, if not thousands on this girl, who wanted to “get old with me”
30. I have $300 worth of jewelry just sitting here. It's only worth $30 at the jewelers
31. I’ve developed a rash on my penis from masturbating in excess of five times a day
32. For some odd reason I’m still in love with that girl
33. Nothing will ever happen again
34. My car gets terrible gas millage
35. My rubber broke last night
36. I have a girlfriend, but I pay for her when I go to the strip club
37. I’ll admit, my commitment might be lacking a little
38. I tried to go to church, failed
39. I tried to be nice to people, failed
40. I’m shallow
41. Sometimes people take advantage of me
42. I’m probably gonna be scared for future relationships
43. My to-do list is eight pages, and has been on my desk since June 17th
44. I don’t wash my hands after I use the facility
45. I’m cheap
46. The first thing I see in a girl, is her ass or tits
47. Sometimes when I’m fucking a girl, I close my eyes and pretends it's someone else
48. I don’t leave tips at restaurants
49. Pretty sure my one night stand had the clap
50. I piss all over the seat at public restrooms
51. Supposedly I have a child
52. Everywhere and anywhere I see a reminder of what used to be
53. Sometimes I’d give my left nut to bitch slap a mother fucker
54. I smoke a pack a day
55. I got in a car accident, I have PLPD
56. I have tons of empty photo frames
57. I constantly wish I could go back and change the past
58. But I rarely try to change the future
59. My workout consist of 20 oz curls and a plate with chocolate cake
60. My friends list is much shorter than my enemies list
61. There are probably a couple people who wanna bust a cap in my ass
62. I drive like a dick
63. I do nothing to support this “going green” bullshit
64. To be honest, I don’t care what this pollution shit does to my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great fucking grandkids
65. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve dealt with a complete fucking idiot, I could retire and move to Hawaii for good
66. Sometimes a take a smoke break at work to masturbate
67. I slept with a woman whom is in a relationship
68. I want to kick peoples ass who want me to kiss it
69. Sometimes I want people to kiss my ass
70. I toot my own horn, and not my car horn.
71. I resorted to pornography when my ex wouldn’t put out
72. I make fun of people, sometimes people who can’t help how they are
73. I don’t vote
74. Sometimes I don’t keep promises
75. Some the shit my ex left at my house, I burnt…Shhhhh
76. I believe lies
77. I don’t believe the truths
78. I’m nosey
79. I’m stubborn
80. I also like to shit in peoples toilets and not flush, just to leave them with a token of my appreciation
81. I slack off…… A lot
82. I don’t always give 100%....Sometimes 50% will suffice… Right?
83. My hand smells like stripper crotch
84. My wallet feels like a stripper took my money
85. I still look back and ask myself, “what the fuck was I thinking, I didn’t need her?”
86. I had a rough estimate of how much I spent on her. The number was so big, I decided to stop counting after our first 4 months
87. My TV just took a dump
88. E-Harmony pairs with my with ugly bitches
89. The women aren’t knocking down my door
90. Yeah, I’m a wanna-be, what of it?
91. Sometimes I wish bad things upon people I dislike
92. I curse way too much
93. If masturbating kills kittens, I’m a serial kitty killer
94. I “liked” the group on facebook called “I hate bitches”
95. I fall in love with women’s looks first, personality is just a plus
96. I’d rather pork a virgin than a woman who has done it before, just to make myself look like a sex god
97. I often get into competition with my friends over “who will get the girl?” bullshit
98. I still haven’t adjusted all my clocks to daylights savings
99. I lie to the kids at the door at Wal Mart and tell them I will get them on the way out, and just go out the other door
• But guess what? I got 99 problems, but a BITCH aint one.
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