Miserable Retail Slave

by RFP

From now until July 22, when "Captain America: The First Avenger" hits movie theaters (does anyone else think that the studio really should have pushed for a July 4 release date? Seems perfect to me....), we proudly present a series looking at the iconic, ridiculous, funny, or awesome moments in Captain America's long illustrated history.

This may get you excited for the upcoming flick and you might learn a thing or two. At any rate, I hope you'll find this entertaining and that Marvel cuts me a big check for all the cheap promotion for their property,

Captain America Prefers Freedom Fries.

It shouldn't come as a shock that America's greatest fictional patriot was probably in favor of the name change that the delicacy known as the "French fry" experienced during the anti-French sentiments of the early '00s after France expressed their disapproval over the US invasion of Iraq.

Politics aside, the name would be right up Cap's alley. He's all about freedom and democracy. You put "Freedom" in front of anything and Captain America will give you a star spangled thumbs up.

As tolerant as Captain America is, however, something tells me that:

a) He's in favor of a universal language in America that's less French and more English

or

b) He really just hates those frogs.

Batroc the Leaper ("Zis is zee foot of Batroc Ze Leapair" - that's how he talks) is an embarrassing French stereotype who uses his French kickboxing skills to become a somewhat successful mercenary. He first appeared in Tales of Suspense #75 (1966) and has befuddled Captain America for years by hopping around and shouting French interjections like "sacre bleu" at every turn.

He also kicked Batman in the face during the JLA/Avengers crossover (#3 by Kurt Busiek and George Perez), so he's got that going for him.

But this is about Captain America. So here is proof that, at the very least, Cap is not a francophile.

From Tales of Suspense #76 (1966) by Stan Lee and John Romita

If you need any further proof, here it is. Gallic gasbag. Harsh words, Captain America. Harsh words.

Finally, exhibit C. Captain America, master of the patriotic metaphor, shoves his American-ness down Batroc's French hole by kicking his ass while waxing poetic about the National Pasttime.

(From Tales of Suspense #75)

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-RFP