Miserable Retail Slave
Toeing the thin line between ridiculous and hilarious.
Blogs
40. The Danza
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This week: Jumping the shark/ The Fonz is Mathew McCaonaughey/ Stallone vs. The Danza/ Tommy talks about The Bachelor and Bones/ Clearing your history/ Headstone sponsorship/ Farmer Death/ Living to be 150/ A boy named Rover/ the only 30 year old teenager in America/ Pee Pants/ Random movie chat/ Captain Spork/ Robin dies/ Krang/ Jennifer Love-Hewitt's $5 million boobs/ Donkey Kong for feminists
The Fonz jumps the shark.
Yes they do.
Too bad Iron Will didn't have these Pee Pants.
Church won't allow headstone with NASCAR, Colts logos on it.
Daily Mail: New drug being developed that could let people live to be 150.
Arizona, Indiana, and Utah all have official state guns. Wikipedia.
The people decided to kill Robin back in the day. Here's the ad I was talking about.
RIP old Robin and new Robin
Krang.
Salon.com: "Feminist hero dad hacks Donkey Kong for daughter"
39. "Gang of Thongs"
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This week: The Time Tommy Almost Met Bob Seger/ National Cereal Day and cereal maps/ Tommy appreciates milk/ Smells Like Old Spice/ Lance Armstrong causes air pollution/ the myth of the Beer Goggles/ Will Smith's thug life/ Gun crotch/ Kissin' Octopi/ the hellwaters of Florida/ Sugardaddie.com, USA/ In the jungle, the mighty jungle/ Jesus up/ Cow licking/ Thong Bandit/ Yahoo answers/ Rapefruit/ Valentina
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Tommy had always wanted to meet Bob Seger. And when he got the chance...he chose to say nothing to him. Epic. Fail.
The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Causing school districts to be put on lockdown.
Rapefruit. It's...good for you?
38. "Ivan Ski Mask and Guam DeLuise"
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Buffalo head/ booty shakin'/ United States of Amammary/ MC Hammer rape whistle/ Google Glass/ the ultimate Facebook stalking tool/ Wearing Flippy Floppies with a Flippy Phlone/ Assault burrito/ Bullet in the oven/ Ski mask talk/ Burrito abuse/ Dead mice dropped on Guam/ One Million Moms hate talking pigs/ Tommy vetoes Randy's life/ Charlotte's Web talk/ Tommy loved New Kids on the Block/ Tommy and the Walrus doing the Locomotion/ Stolen porn alert
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Google Glass. Surf the Internet at all possible times.
Safest place to store your bullets? Believe it or not, that place isn't the oven.
" St Petersburg woman injured after bullet left inside oven explodes"
Fighting the war on snakes.
"NPR: Dead Mice are going to be dropped on Guam from Helicopters (Really)"
The organization, One Million Moms, hates this commercial with Maxwell the Geico pig. Kids just might get the wrong idea. smh.
37. Undergarment Face
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2nd episode this week. A quick and dirty one. Dumbo got drunk/ Deleting Myspace/ The politics of Myspace/ Facebook after death/ Panty Face/ Japan's weirdest hero/ Hentai Kamen/ Ratbot the bully
Intro: "Mickey Maos" by Halloween
That one time that Dumbo got, like, so totally wasted.
Kotaku - "Blame Japan's Perverted Superhero for This Panty Insanity"
This is Hentai Kamen. The super hero who gets super pervert powers for wearing women's underwear on his head. Yep.
He's also the subject of a live action motion picture coming soon to theaters in Japan. "Panty bless you," indeed.
Just for further evidence that this is an actual thing that exists in the world, here is the trailer for that movie.
#36 "Last Friday in Norway"
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The buns are the ham/ Asteroids/ Adam Levine's zits/ Photgraph of S8er Boi/ Iceland wants to ban all the fun/ Guppies like hotties/ Fish stoned on pill pollution/ Skeletor Jones/ Woman has the same song on repeat in her head for 3 years/ The Climb vs. Purple Rain/ Mississippi abolishes slavery/ Florida man bites a police car/ Krispy Kreme chase/ Fart studies/ Fanta's tasty ad/ Rep Sue McClurkin thinks babies are organs/ Lisa Turtle/ Norway's version of TGIF/ Keeping it Kardashian-free/ the replacement stripper
Mail Online: "Iceland's bid to ban web porn"
#33 "The Burt Ward"
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This week, we pick our favorite '80s vehicle from pop culture and discuss the politics of Back to the Future. We lament the loss of Ecto Cooler. Planet Homebuddies, a Chinese adaptation of "Friends." An iPhone app that measures condom size. The German Cookie Monster/Robin Hood hybrid. Flamey, the worst mascot ever. Robotic tails for humans. Hitler's toilet. A 4th grade science project with cocaine. Another Armstrong cheated. Eating cat hair.
The Chinese love "Friends." So much so that they are creating their own version called "Planet Homebuddies." Could that title be any more ridiculous?
A new iPhone app measures the size of your member so that you can find a condom that fits perfectly. Just don't use it in the middle of the store. That might be frowned upon.
The Huffington Post, "Condom size iPhone app"
The worst mascot in the history of the world: Flamey, the burn ward mascot. Designed to make kids on the burn ward feel better about themselves. What?
The Huffington Post, "Flamey, the Burn Ward Mascot"
"S" is for "stealing," it's good enough for me. A German theif steals a golden cookie, dresses up like Cookie Monster, and makes demands.
#34 "More Soda Popinski, Less Ivan Drago"
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This week: The holy angel of Old Spice/ God is Rain Man/ .300 batting average/ Kai, the hatchet wielding hitchhiker/ Love Gone Wild/ Horseman baby/ The Woman with the Face tattoo/ Monopoly controversy/ Flipper the cat/ Amusement park where Osama bin Laden was killed/ the Intimacy dress/ Vodka monument/ Ugly Wednesdays/ the Peanut Butter Podcast/ Interrupting Psychologist/ Kristin Wiig Rage/ Breastaurants/ Aporkalypse
We take on the big issues. Like does God really care about your favorite sporting team? Maybe he's a gambler. Ray Lewis, the holy angel of Old Spice, seems to think God likes him a bunch.
Kai, the hitchhiker is the latest internet smash...smash....suh-mash.
Girlfriend piss you off? Go have sex with the neighbor's horse. And maybe have a horseman baby. That'll show her!
The Smoking Gun "I Was Trying to Make the Horse Have a Baby"
The first thing you should do when you meet someone for the first time is get their name tattooed on your face in big, gothic letters. Just some advice.
The Intimacy 2.0 dress vanishes based on how aroused you are. This is a thing that exists in the world.
The Huffington Post, "Intimacy 2.0"
Monopoly game piece controversy! The cat won! Even over a robot. A robot with a mustache, no less! Unforgiveable.
An amusement park is being built in the town where Osama bin Laden was killed. The owners of the park say that it has nothing to do with it being the spot where a notorious terrorist leader was killed. I'm sure it's all coincidence.
International Business Times story
A famous Russian monument to vodka has toppled. When is America going to get a famous Bud Light monument?
#35 "With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility"
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A quick and dirty episode! This week, we talk about Adam Levine's new fragrance, When Spider-Man attacks, THC University, the cereal nomad, Tommy milks a cow, erotic video games, and the truth about Ms. Pac-Man.
Intro: "Mickey Maos" by Halloween
Square Spider-Man punches a woman in the face after telling her that she's crap. Just your friendly neighborhood douchebag.
Daily Mail, "TImes Square Spider-Man punches woman"
Impress your in-laws! Enroll in THC University today! Become a budtender with only a few classes!
The Huffington Post, "THC University"
A man travels the world in search of the perfect cornflake. A cereal nomad. He sounds like a corny flake himself. (booooooo, hiss. Horrible jokes!)
Gapyear.com, "Cereal traveller's search for the perfect bowl of cornflakes"
Miserable Retail Slave podcast episode 14
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Miserable Retail Slave podcast episode 14, "Trap Doors & 3 Headed Dogs"
Stealing home/ Update on a girl named Ka/ The banana/ The panic of Shark Week/Sharktopus is a getaway machine/ The Odd Life of Timothy Green/ The heartbreak of Benji the Hunted/The Desolate Wasteland of Delaware/Toddler Fight Club/Tommy's sober again (for 10 minutes)/ Hank Williams, Jr. vs. Obama/ Dueling Dave Mustaine impressions/ Tommy's going to rehab/ Paul Ryan vs. Rage Against the Machine/ Randy's Rolling Stone magazine rage/ Trap doors, Steel Gates, 3 Headed Dogs/ Carson Daly/ Classy Chick/Osama role-playing
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Notes
Reaction to The Odd Life of Timothy Green
Megadeth, "Sweating Bullets"
Tom Morello vs. Paul Ryan. Morello's op/ed piece for Rolling Stone.
Vanity Fair's interview with Carson Daily. Is Christina Aguilera a squirter?
Article: Foxnews.com, "Delaware day care workers accused of running toddler fight club"
Miserable Retail Slave podcast episode 13
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Miserable Retail Slave podcast, episode 13: "Music Lived & Died in '86"
The worst drunken rendition of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song that you've ever heard// Garfield is a racist // Tommy's misadventures with Ka// Pepe Le Pew loves kitty// Were beavers// Tommy does the Carlton// cursive writing// the next president of the United States, Paul Ryan// Wreck-It Ralph// Awkward Hugs// If you fall, you'll land amongst the stars
Download Episode #13 right here!
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Notes
Garfield is a racist.
Best song ever written. Ever.
2nd runner-up for the best song ever.
"A Whiter Shade of Pale" - Procul Harum
The Carlton.
Article: Miami Herald, " ‘Fresh Prince’ pleases Guantánamo prisoners"
